Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a couch with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  Awareness settled on touch-sense. Touch-sensations arose and passed at a rate of about 6/second. Concentration and equanimity were both pretty low. I reminded myself of what the Three Characteristics are and to observe the arbitrary labeling of sensations as "self". Awareness was subsumed by a series of stories. Sensations had a rough quality to them. Intense flickering white light. Concentration was much more refined immediately. Equanimity was still low - but there was a new "flavor" to the low equanimity; whereas before it was more of a "Jeez, these sensations feel rough!" now it was more of a "I feel really emotionally raw" sort of flavor. Physical discomfort, pain, and fear arose, then faded into the background; they were still there, and happening, and "unpleasant" but their immediacy was gone. They were just occurring, just sensations, like any others. There was still and "rough" quality to experience, but it was less disconcerting for some reason. This very realization seemed to refine experience even further. The process of labeling sensations as "me" was apparent. Time appeared to pass. The session ended, which was a little sad, but oh well.
 
Observations:  N/A.

45 minutes. Sitting in a quiet room with my eyes closed and my hands in my knees. Awareness settled on sensations presenting at the Touch Door. Concentration and equanimity were 4/10. Sensations arose and passed @ 6/sec. Reminded myself what the 3Cs are and to watch the arbitrary labeling of sensations as Self. Fell into several stories. Sensations arose and passed @ 10/sec. Sensations associated with fear, loathing, sadness, etc arose and passed.  Immaterial jhanas were "out there". Did not solidify them. Rarified space of high concentration/equanimity. Story. More unpleasant emotion-sensations and difficulty concentrating. Then high concentration/equanimity. Then back down. Then back up.session ended. 

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  Awareness settled on touch-sense. Touch-sensations arose and passed at a rate of about 8 times per second. Concentration and equanimity were both low. I reminded myself of what the Three Characteristics and to "trace" the process of selfing to the precipitating physical sensation. I observed sensations arise and pass. I fell into a little story. When I popped out concentration and equanimity were moderate. Sensations were arising and passing at more like 12 times per second. There was fear and anxiety. There was physical discomfort. There was aversion. I fell into another story. When I popped-out concentration and equanimity were moderate to high. Mind-sensations were objects just like physical sensations. The process of assigning a sense of self to sensations was occurring and observed as it was. I fell into a story. When I popped-out, concentration and equanimity were high. Sensations arose and passed with incredible speed. Each moment contained data from all sense-doors at once. I fell into a story again. Then pain and aversion. Then no aversion - pain was just there, nothing more. Then rapid arising and passing. More moments containing all available data. End of session.
 
Observations:  I've been neglecting this blog lately. Its a dangerous habit to get into. This blog keeps me honest about making sure I meditate. I plan on being more diligent in the future.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  Awareness settled on touch-sense. Touch-sensations arose and passed at a rate of about 6 or 8 per second. Awareness shifted to sight-sense; these sensations were also arising and passing at about the same rate. Concentration and equanimity were high. I reminded myself of what the Three Characteristics are and that if it is observable, it isn't me. I observed sensations arise and pass. I fell into a little story. When I popped out concentration and equanimity were very high. Sensations were arising and passing at more like 12 or 14 times per second. Mind-sensations were objects just like physical sensations. Visual sensations were almost hallucinogenic - lots of swirling, pulsing, colors and shapes. The process of assigning a sense of self to sensations was not very active, but was obvious when it occurred. The physical sensations that usually (immediately) precede "strong" mind-sensations like anger and sadness arose and passed and were clearly just physical sensations. There was some slight body-twisting and other posture issues. Then a story. Then more sensations. Then more sight-sensations. Then a story. And on and on. A few times in the session there was aversion and there was pain, but its hard to say at what "point" in the session these occurred. Ding ding.
 
Observations: This was one of those sessions where I felt really "submerged" and when it ended it was like coming up for air after diving deep into a body of water.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  Awareness settled on touch-sense. Touch-sensations arose and passed at an increasing rate from perhaps 8 times per second up to around 16 times per second. The happened over the course of about 30 seconds. Awareness shifted to sight-sense; these sensations were also arising and passing at around 16 times per second. Concentration and equanimity were high. I reminded myself of what the Three Characteristics are and that if it is observable, it isn't me. I observed sensations arise and pass. I fell into a little story. When I popped out concentration and equanimity were very high. Mind-sensations were objects just like physical sensations. The process of assigning a sense of self to sensations was obvious. The physical sensations that usually (immediately) precede "strong" mind-sensations like anger and sadness arose and passed and were clearly just physical sensations. The mind did not assign a mind-sensation to them like anger or sadness, awareness just recognized that, for example, the tension and heat in my upper chest and tightening of the temple-muscles that usually precedes an "anger-sensation" in the mind was arising, and then observed it pass. That was all. A few light shows. Some body-twisting. Then a story. Then more physical sensations that usually precede "strong" mind-sensations. More observation of them arising and passing. Lather, rinse, repeat. End of session.

Observations: Coolio, Yo.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  Awareness settled on touch-sense. Touch-sensations arose and passed around 12 times per second. Awareness shifted to sight-sense; those sensations arose and passed at 12 times per second as well. Concentration and equanimity were low. I reminded myself of what the Three Characteristics are. Mind-sensations were difficult to observe as not "me", just a sixth category of sensation. I fell into a series of stories. After maybe four or five stories, the speed of sensations quickened to around 18 times per second, and the character of sensations smoothed-out a bit. There was physical pain. There was aversion to pain and to meditating. I wanted to stop meditating. I continued to meditate. Equanimity increased. Realization: "I" was not the cause of perceiving sensations, sensations were perceived without "me", and that to the extent there was a "me", it was just a part of the moment of perceiving. Not-self came to the fore. Mind-sensations were just sensations. White light. An almost physical "clunk" of awareness doing something. More pain. More aversion. Less equanimity. Less concentration. Then less pain and aversion and more concentration and equanimity. A kind of cycling between these. The timer went off. I was startled.

Observations: N/A.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  Awareness settled on touch-sense. Touch-sensations arose and passed at about 8 or 10 times per second. Concentration and equanimity were moderate to high. I reminded myself of what the Three Characteristics are. Mind-sensations were observable as sensations just like any of the five physical sensations. Sensations were very much not "me", they were just sensations in whatever moment they were "doing their thing" in, and then, of course, they passed away.  Awareness entered a story. When it popped out, the rate of arising and passing of sensations had increased quite a bit, if I had to guess: ballpark 25 times per second. The character of the arising and passing was smooth and fine, but the periods of "nothingness" between one sensation passing and the next arising were very discrete and perceptable, despite the speed involved. The body began to twist and tilt for some reason. Proprioception was off and there was some physical pain the lower back and shoulders. It was difficult to tell whether I was sitting in a normal upright position or not. Awareness entered another story. When it popped out, sensations were arising and passing just as fast as when awareness entered the story, but the pain and proprioception/twisting issues were gone. Continued observation of sensations arising and passing. The alarm beeped. This session did not feel long, but it didn't feel like the blink of an eye either. 

Observations: N/A.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  Awareness settled on touch-sense. Touch sensations arose from nothing, did their "thing", and then passed away utterly, at a rate of about 8 or 10 times per second. Concentration and equanimity were low to moderate. I reminded myself of what the Three Characteristics are. Data from the sense-organs (including "mind") presented distinct from each other, but part of a moment of time, as if the data-experiences were pieces of a puzzle (large, chunky, and not terribly a "part of" the other pieces, but still fit the others perfectly). Not-self was very, very clearly visible. I fell into stories a few times. This session seemed very long; it ended. 

Observations: N/A.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  Awareness settled on touch-sense and after a moment sight-sense as well. The two flickered in and out of existence in tandem at a rate of about 12 times per second ("vibrated"). The texture of these vibrations was smooth. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are. Vibrations slowly sped up to about 16 plus times per second. Concentration and equanimity were high. Mind was doing its thing - trying to assign things a status of "I", "painful" or otherwise "undesirable" - all of these activities had been pretty absent from the scene for about a week, so this was new, but all of these activities were very transparently observable as mind just doing it's thing, and having nothing to do with anything other than that. I dropped into stories several times. There were no black-out-like fruition events. No lights behind the eyelids. In many respects it felt like the Dark Night, but the "unpleasant" character of it was CLEARLY a series of obsessive, repetitive, mind activities labeling it as such. The session ended.

Observations: This session was exhausting. It had a great deal of laser-like focus to it, and the sort of broad perspective that comes with mind-contacts being clearly discernible as such, but it was very new to me to go through a chunk of territory that was seriously unpleasant while seeing it just as it is, instead of being embroiled in the unpleasantness of it and "feeling" things "paining me". Instead the painfulness of experience was clearly the product of foolish, arbitrary mind-activity, and not anything to do with a "me" or the "thing" that was "painful".

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  Awareness settled on touch-sense and after a moment sight-sense as well. The two flickered in and out of existence in tandem at a rate of about 10 times per second. The "out of existence" voids were opaque and cavernous. The flickering had a rough quality to it, like chop on the ocean. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are. Over the course of perhaps a minute or two, the flickering sped up to about 16 or 18 times per second and smoothed out too. Concentration and equanimity didn't seem particularly high at the time, but in retrospect they were off the charts high. Awareness-stimulus-organ "contacts" arose and passed at all six sense-doors. Experience began to be defined more by awareness of a moment versus void of non-awareness than by the nature of the particular contact being experienced (for example, sound); I'll go ahead and call this "formations". I dropped into a brief story. I popped out and the meditation continued as before. Then there was a dip into non-awareness for a moment. A brief  bliss-wave through the body, and then lights behind my eyelids, REM, eyes rolling into the back of my head, then back down, and extreme mental quietude. Then back to the formations, of which physical and psychological "pain" were components. I put quote marks because the sensations that made up the "pain" were not felt as painful, or happening to some separate "me". They were just happening and observable more as just another sensation in the body - they were just happening in their moments, along with everything else. Then a dip into non-awareness and the whole thing repeated once more. Then back into formations, with the moments flickering in and out of existence smoothly and rapidly until the session ended.

Observations: This is new territory for me. I feel like I'm always saying that about meditations! But it is new to me. I'm still sussing-out what this all is and what it means. I feel like I really could use an extended retreat to  investigate this new quality of experience - 45 minutes a day is great, don't get me wrong, this just feels like a whole new vista that I don't quite "get" at this stage of the game. Oh well. Onward we go.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  Awareness settled on touch-sense. It flickered in and out of existence in at about 8 times per second. Concentration was high. Equanimity was hard to really evaluate. Mind-activity was observable as any other object would be. All sense doors received data when I turned awareness to them. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are. After a few minutes the flickering of sensations sped up to maybe 16 times per second. I dropped into a story. When I popped out sensations were presenting very fast. Data from multiple sense doors presented simultaneously. Then awareness was gone for a moment. My rolled up in my head and there was REM and lights behind my eyelids. My eyes rolled back down and a bliss-wave went through the body. Then lots of equanimity and observation of vibrations again. Fast. Then awareness was gone for a moment. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. At no point was there a felt sense of self. There were just "contacts". The session ended.

Observations: I've been meditating since the last entry on this blog, but haven't blogged about it. There has been no felt sense of a permanent or separate "self" since the last entry. Just "contacts". Discursive thought continues. Uninvestigated "emotions" feel like they always have, but investigated ones are simply touch sensations in the body, which flux and eventually dissipate over time. This is unlike what I expected, but not bad; just different.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  Awareness settled on touch-sense. Almost immediately sight-sense was observed. They flickered in and out of existence in tandem at about 14 times per second. Concentration and equanimity were high. Mind-activity was observable as any other object would be. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are and to follow and deconstruct any felt sense of self. A long period of trying to "do" the meditation followed. There was frustration and anxiety; a feeling of having lost "it". I dropped into a story and when I popped out the flickering of the confluences of organ-object-consciousness had increased to maybe 18 times per second or so. Then awareness was gone for a moment and then came back. A bliss-wave through the body. REM and crazy lights. Then pain. Then anger and sadness. Then a fading. A smoothing out. High equanimity. Again awareness was gone for a moment. This repeated and repeated. The time between the bliss-wave through the body, up the scale of experience to the moment when consciousness went became incrementally smaller as the session went on. I understood the statement "to understand two of the Three Characteristics is to understand the third" for the first time. For some reason the old koan "if a tree falls in a forest . . ." popped into my head. I felt like I understood that too. For the first time, there was the experience of "I" as a mind-activity, just like any other; for the first time there was experience of things just happening - no "me" to happen to, just mind-activity happening concurrently.
The session ended.

Observations: N/A.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  Pretty much the same as the last session. There seems to be a warm-up period of about ten minutes or so before the first (of what I believe is) fruition occurs. Then the cycling begins: bliss-wave in the body, crazy visuals, REM, and eyes rolling up into the back of the head, the physical pain and psychological discomfort, then choppy vibration and some space from the pain and discomfort, the smooth vibrations and extreme mental quietude, the *blip* - a non-experience, then bliss-wave in the body, repeat on and on. I spotted the door to several of the fruitions I experienced in this session, but mostly they were not-self. The session ended and here we are.

Observations: That tingling in my crown chakra and third eye chakra has been going on for about three days now.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on touch-sense. Touch-sensations flickered in and out of existence at a rate of about ten times per second. Sensations at all six sense-doors were observable when awareness alighted on them. Concentration and equanimity were high. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are and that sensations will do their thing without involvement by a "me". After a bit I fell into a story; I popped out concentration and equanimity had both increased a little and sensations were flickering faster than before. Sensations were clearly visible as either existing or not existing. Multiple sense-doors were stimulated simultaneously - I believe these were "formations". Then *blip* - consciousness was gone for a moment - I believe this was a "fruition". A bliss wave moved through the body. Then all sorts of visuals and some weird rapid-eye-movement. A brief period of lowered concentration and equanimity; anxiety and fear were present. Then concentration and equanimity were high again. Lather, rinse, repeat four five times. I was able to spot the door of one fruition (not self). Then the session ended.

Observations: This session was pretty similar to the last with the exception of being able to spot a fruition-door. I experimented a bit with "calling up" various stages of the progress of insight at will, as people in the fruition stage can supposedly do, and had some moderate success, which was kind of cool. I'm a little suspicious of what is going on though - uncharted territory.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on touch-sense and sound-sense. Sensations at both sense-doors flickered in and out of existence at a rate of about twelve times per second. Sensations at the mind door presented just any other sensation would at its applicable sense door. Concentration and equanimity were high. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are and that sensations will do their thing without involvement by a "me". After a bit I fell into a story; I popped out concentration and equanimity had both increased and sensations were flickering faster than before. Sensations were clearly visible as either existing or not existing. Multiple sense-doors were stimulated simultaneously - I believe these were "formations". Then *blip* - consciousness was gone for a moment. There were all sorts of visuals. A brief period of lowered concentration and equanimity. Some disturbing mind objects. Then concentration and equanimity were high again. Sensations were very clearly and distinctly discernible as existing or not. The periods of non-existence held a gravity all their own. Then it was as if I fell into one. *Blip* consciousness was gone. Lather, rinse, repeat about four or five times.

Observations: This weekend was a little too chaotic for me to blog about my meditation sessions, although (mercifully) I was able to get the sessions themselves into chaos. They've all pretty much mirrored the above experience, just less intense. And for the past three days or so the top of my head and the area between my eyes have tingled in a way I associate with some of my experiences with the Pure Land Jhanas. So it's been an interest past few days.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on touch-sense. Touch-sensations flickered in and out of existence at a rate of about twelve times per second. Mind-objects presented just any other sensation would. Concentration and equanimity were moderate. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are and that sensations will do their thing without involvement by a "me". Sensations were observed very clearly as just sensations, doing their thing. I dozed-off several times. The session ended.

Observations: For whatever reason I'm just exhausted today. It was tough to stay awake during this session. But that's life, I guess.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on touch-sense. Touch-sensations flickered in and out of existence at a rate of about twelve times per second. Mind-objects presented as if any of the other ("traditional") five sense-objects. Concentration and equanimity were moderate to high. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics and that sensations will do their thing without involvement by a "me". There was a long period of observing object/organ/consciousness "contacts" flicker in and out of existence. There was no "self" being "told" that it was not this or that contact. There was no "self" being "held in abeyance" while "I" meditated. There was just contact, nothingness; contact, nothingness. Mind was reminded again and again that the contact wasn't some "self", and neither was mind; it was just a contact. Then a brief story; when it was done, flickering was going at about twenty-five times per second. Realization: what I call this body is mostly just tactile and sight data, with a little bit of taste and smell thrown in; its not like it isn't "body", but what body IS is not what this mind thought it was. All of the foregoing was so low effort compared to past meditations. The last third or so energy flagged relative the first two thirds, but still lots of concentration and equanimity. Proprioceptive anomalies and tingling in the head and face indicated some of the upper jhannas were out there to be solidified, "this" just continued doing vipassana. The non-euphoric"meat-and-potatos-brand of clarity" I noted last session was in major evidence this go 'round, and then some. It is still in evidence now.

Observations: N/A.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on touch-sense. Touch-sensations flickered in and out of existence at a rate of about twelve times per second. The texture of the flickering was smooth. Thoughts and emotions were observable as objects. Concentration was moderate and equanimity was moderate to high. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are and that sensations will do their thing without involvement by a "me".  I fell into a brief story and when I popped out of it, the rate of sensation-flickering was more like twenty times per second. Sense-data from multiple sense-doors presented simultaneously in each moment. I had a realization that sensations were never composed of data from more than one sense-door; when there's data from more than one either its a formation (a moment with data from more than one sense-door presenting simultaneously) or its a misunderstood sensation. The process of assigning "self-hood" to objects-organ-consciousness "contacts" was apparent, and then, realization: I have been been laboring to stop the conflation of self and phenomena, but this assumes that there is a permanent, separate self out that can be conflated - the realization was that there is no such self. There is just phenomena doing their thing, and sometimes the mind gets confused and calls these phenomena "self" when, in fact, there is no such thing as a "self". A layer of effort dropped away. There was still selfing happening, but it was just the mind, not a "self". This provided a non-euphoric sort of meat-and-potatos-brand of clarity for the rest of the meditation, and even now, as I write this.

Observations: N/A.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on touch-sense. Touch-sensations flickered in and out of existence at a rate of about five or six times per second. The transition from sensation, to not sensation, to next sensation, to not sensation, etc was a little rough and "chunky". Thoughts and emotions were observable as objects. Concentration and equanimity were high. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are and that sensations will do their thing without involvement by "me".  I fell into a brief story and when I popped out of it, sensations were flickering in and out of existence at rate of about sixteen times per second or so. The chunky texture of the flickering process was gone; it was now smooth. Sense-data from multiple sense-doors presented simultaneously in each "flicker". The process of assigning "self-hood" to objects-organ-consciousness "contacts" was apparent, and seemed tragically misguided. There seemed to be "a lot" of this sort of assigning this session - I don't know if this is because that is actually the case, or I was just observing what has always been the case, but has not been apparent to me. Several times there was "sheet lightening" behind my eyelids. A few times discursive thought stopped, and slowly rebooted. This meditation seemed to last, from the inside, about as long as it lasted "from the outside" (to my stop watch).

Observations: N/A.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on touch-sense. Touch-sensations flickered in and out of existence at a rate of about ten times per second. Thoughts and emotions were observable as objects.Concentration and equanimity were both moderate. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are and to allow sensations do their thing without effort from "me".  I fell into a series of brief stories; one right after the other. When I popped out of them, sensations were flickering in and out of existence at rate of about twenty times per second. The flickering itself was silky-smooth and subtle. Sense-data from multiple sense-doors presented simultaneously in each "flicker". The flickers of perceived sensations were separated by periods of non-existence/perception/nothingness that arose and passed with equal speed. The process of assigning "self-hood" to objects/organ/consciousness "contacts" was very clearly apparent, and just seemed utterly boring and pointless. Several times there was "sheet lightening" behind my eyelids. This meditation seemed to last five minutes, tops.

Observations: N/A.

Time: 65 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on touch-sense. Touch-sensations flickered in and out of existence at a rate of about ten times per second. Thoughts and emotions were observable as objects. Concentration and equanimity were high. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are and to allow sensations do their thing without effort from "me".  I fell into a story. When I popped out, sensations were flickering in and out of existence at rate of about eighteen times per second. The process of assigning self-hood to sense-objects was obvious, a little irritating, and a little tedious. About halfway through the session, the felt sense of self disappeared. There were just sense-door/sense-object/consciousness contacts, over and over, at a high rate of speed. There were several *blips* of non-experience and several small light-shows behind my eye lids - it is difficult to reconstruct the timeline, but they seemed to occur: blip, lights, no-self/contact; blip, lights, no-self/contact, etc. This session flew by.

Observations: N/A.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness oscillated between touch-sense and sight-sense. I don't recall the speed that sensations flickered in and out of existence. Concentration and equanimity were high. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are and to let go of any sense or idea of "doing" the meditation. Thoughts and emotions were observable as objects. I fell into a story. When I popped out, concentration was still high, but equanimity had decreased a little. Sensations flickered in and out of existence at fourteen or fifteen times per second. The arbitrary assignment of a "me" to sense-objects was clear and uncomfortable. Throughout the session, discursive thought would completely stop, then slowly get going again, then stop completely, then slowly get going again, etc. Several times, for prolonged periods, the felt sense of self did not exist, there was simply consciousness/organ/object "contact", arising and passing, many times per second. Sensations from multiple sense-doors presented simultaneously in each moment. There were a few sheet-lightning-like light shows behind my eye lids "late" in the session. When the bell rang, although 45 minutes had passed, but it felt like only three or four.

Observations: This session had a low level feeling-tone of irritating/uncomfortable to it. Unpleasant emotions, urges, and subtle mind-objects of all sorts seemed particularly "visible" during this session. Effort and the assignment of "self" to sensations were particularly uncomfortable. Anyway . . .

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on touch-sense and sight-sense. Sensations presented from both sense-doors (sight and touch) simultaneously, and flickered in and out of existence at a rate of about eight times per second. Concentration was moderate and and equanimity was high. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are and let go of "doing" the meditation. Thoughts were observable as objects. I fell into a story. When I popped out, concentration and equanimity were high. The flickering of sensations had increased to maybe twelve times per second. The arbitrary assignment of "self-hood" to sense-objects was very clear and a little irritating. Sensations arose and passed on their own without any help from me. The flickering increased even more. I wasn't "doing" anything, the sensations simply arose and passed. This session flew by. 

Observations: N/A.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on touch-sense. Sensations flickered in and out of existence at a rate of about six times per second. Concentration and equanimity were moderate. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are. Thoughts were observable as objects. I fell into a story. When I popped out, concentration and equanimity were increased slightly and the flickering of sensations was more rapid (maybe ten times per second). The arbitrary assignment of "self-hood" to sense-objects was apparent. I let go of "doing" the meditation, and simply allowed sensations to do their thing. There was a mental (almost physical) "clunk" as discursive thought stopped completely. Sensations arose, did their thing, and passed. I dozed-off briefly a few times. There was some physical discomfort and aversion present. Unlike most sessions recently, this one did not fly by. 

Observations: As I write this, discursive thought is slowly booting-up again.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on touch-sense. Sensations flickered in and out of existence at a rate of about twelve times per second. Concentration and equanimity were very high. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are. Tingling sensations in my forehead told me some of the Pure Land Jhanas were out there should I choose to solidify them. I stuck with seeing Three Characteristics in each sensation. Mind-objects were observable as objects. I fell into a story. When I popped out, concentration and equanimity were even more intense. The arbitrary assignment of "self-hood" to sense-objects was apparent. Then I decided to let go: to stop seeing, just let seeing see; to stop hearing, to just let hearing hear - I let go of concentrating, and just let observing observe; I let go of "doing" and just allowed all sensations do what they do without "me": present. The flickering of sensations was very fast and fine. The arbitrary assignment of "self-hood" pretty much stopped. Sensations from multiple sense-doors presented in each moment. The demarcation between sensation and no-sensation in each "flickering" was very clear. A few times, experience seemed to skip a beat, with no memory of the interval. The session ended. Time had flown by.
 
Observations: I felt like I was coming up out of deep water after this session. I haven't blogged about my session over the last few days because I've been busy unpacking after the move, but they've all been more or less like this one (although this one evinced even higher than normal concentration and equanimity, when have been pretty much super-high before this session reset my idea of "high"). Onward.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on touch-sense and sight-sense. The sensations of both presented - not quite in sync. All sense-doors were vibrating when I tuned into them; not all at the same moment, but some at the same moment. Sensations flickered in and out of existence at a rate of about twelve times per second. Concentration and Equanimity were high. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are. Tingling sensations in my forehead and the crown of my head told me some of the Pure Land Jhanas were attainable if I solidified them. I stuck with seeing the seeing the Three Characteristics in each sensation. I fell into stories a few times. At one point, discursive thought ceased and it was a long time before it slowly rebooted. Thoughts were objects to be noted. Each time a felt sense of self was observed, it was labeled as what it was: data from a sense-door. Multiple times, there was the sensation of "just" sense-data presenting without a sense of observing it do so. This session flew by. In its wake, I feel almost sedated in this weird hyper-aware sort of way.
   
Observations: N/A.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on touch-sense and sight-sense. The sensations of both presented simultaneously in each moment. I tuned into hearing-sense and it presented simultaneously too. These sensations flickered in and out of existence at a rate of about fifteen or eighteen times per second. Concentration and Equanimity were high. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are. Tingling sensations in my forehead and the crown of my head told me some of the Pure Land Jhanas operating out there. I did not solidify them, but rather focused on seeing the Three Characteristics in each sensation. I fell into stories a few times. Thoughts arose. The arbitrary selfing process was visible - paying attention to it almost "got in the way" of observing sensations. At one point discursive though turned-off briefly - there were just no thoughts. Momentum faded as this session progressed. By the end concentration was moderate to low.

Observations: N/A

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on touch-sense. Sensations flickered in and out of existence at a rate of about five times per second. Concentration and Equanimity were moderate. There were sensations of fear and anxiety. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are. I fell into a brief story, popped out, fell into another, popped out again. Sensations sped-up quite a bit - I'm not really sure how fast they were going. Concentration and Equanimity were high. The Three Characteristics were clearly apparent in each sensation. The arbitrary assignment of "self" to sensations was very visible. Sensations began to present simultaneously from multiple sense-doors. The yawning chasm of nothingness between sensations almost had a gravity to it. From a visual perspective, I fell into blackness. It spread from a pool in the visual field until everything was empty blackness. Non-visual sensations were still presenting, but vision was blackness. This experience faded and vision "came on line" again. Sensations were still presenting simultaneously from multiple sense-doors. Realizations came. One after another about self and other, two sides of the same coin. The skin tingled. This session seemed to go on and on.

Observations: This week has been busy. My wife and I moved so the last several days have been all about cleaning, packing, assembling, and unpacking. Its been exhausting and my home office is still essentially solid boxes. That's why I haven't updated this blog for a while . . . no computer or internet. But I continued to meditate during this time, and the session described above (though a little farther out there than they have been on average) is about par for the course. "Visions" of other people who are "me". Realizations piling up on each other. Its been far out. I'll keep you apprized.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on touch-sense and sight-sense. The sensations flickered in and out of existence in tandem at a rate of about seven times per second. The flickering had a moderately rough texture to it, but after about a minute it smoothed out quite a bit. Concentration and Equanimity were high and there was a sense of anticipation. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are. I fell into a brief story, popped out, fell into another, popped out again. Sensations sped-up to about twelve or so times per second. The sense of anticipation was replaced with a sense of existential fatigue - a sense of just being so over the whole selfing process. Concentration and Equanimity were both very high. The Three Characteristics were clearly apparent in each block of sense-data. The arbitrary assignment of "self" to sensations was transparent, and the fact that it was exhausting and sucked in a deeply painful way was very clear. Awareness inclined towards the space between "flickers. I was aware that time was passing during this session, but the session still seemed to fly by. I feel like I could have continued meditating forever.

Observations: I had a few deep insights into not-self in this session. Its hard to pinpoint exactly where they occurred in the session, and they had a fruition-like *blip* factor to them. Weird.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on touch-sense. Touch-sensations flickered in and out of existence at a rate of about four times per second. The flickering had a rough/chunky texture to it. Concentration and Equanimity were high. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are. I fell into an absorbing story; when I popped out, the flickering of sensations had sped-up to maybe eight or ten times per second, and they had a finer quality to them. Concentration and Equanimity were both very high. Sensations from two or sense-doors presented simultaneously. Sensations were not presented in a medium; it was as if there was nothing but sensation and no-sensation. Sensations were clearly not self, and neither were their absence. Sensations arose, and did their thing, and vanished completely, all without any connection to "me". The arbitrary assignment of "self" to sensations was transparent. Awareness inclined towards the space between "flickers. I was aware that time was passing during this session, but it still seemed to fly by.

Observations: I feel close to something - not sure what that something is, or if I'm fooling myself, but the feeling is here.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on touch-sense. Touch-sensations flickered in and out of existence at a rate of about six times per second. Concentration and Equanimity were high. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are. I fell into a few stories, and after popping out of the second one, the flickering of sensations had sped-up and Concentration and Equanimity were both very high. Data from multiple sense-doors presented simultaneously in each moment. The arbitrary assignment of "self" to phenomena was transparent in each moment. Awareness inclined towards the space between "flickers". Although aware that time was passing, this session seemed to fly by.

Observations: N/A.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on touch-sense. Touch-sensations flickered in and out of existence at a rate of about six times a second. Concentration was high . . . but there was also some anxiety. I reminded myself to look for the Three Characteristics. Mind-objects such as thoughts, feelings, and urges were sensations to be observed. I fell into story and when I popped out, the flickering of sensations had increased in speed to about ten times per second. Concentration and Equanimity were high. Anxiety was gone. Data from three or four sense-doors presented simultaneously in each moment. Proprioception was "off" in a way I've come to associate with the immaterial and pure land jhanas operating in the background. Awareness inclined towards the space between "flickers" of object-organ awareness. The process of assigning "selfness" to objects was apparent. Concentration flagged. The session ended.

Observations: N/A.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and after some distractions, awareness settled on touch-sense. Touch-sensations flickered in and out of existence at a rate of about six times a second. Concentration was high and Equanimity was moderate. I reminded myself to look hard at each sensation for the Three Characteristics. I fell into a series of stories and when I popped out, the flickering of sensations had increased in speed to maybe twelve times per second. Concentration and Equanimity were both very high. For the first time in my experience, data from all the sense-doors presented simultaneously in each flicker. This session ended

Observations: N/A.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on touch-sense. Touch-sensations arose, did their thing, and passed away utterly into nothingness at a rate of about six or eight times a second. Concentration and Equanimity were both pretty high. I reminded myself to look hard at each sensation for the Three Characteristics. I fell into a series of stories and when I popped out, the arising and passing of sensations had increased in speed to maybe twelve or more times per second. Concentration and Equanimity were through the roof. Data from multiple sense-doors presented simultaneously. I had a realization that thoughts, urges, fantasies, and feeling tones were just data presenting at the mind-door. I had a realization that sensations did not arise, do their thing, and pass away in sign-wave-like-fashion as I had previously conceived, rather sensations present in a binary fashion: existing or not existing. Formless realms and some of the Pure Land Jhanas were in the background, but I didn't attempt to stabilize those states, so they passed away in time. The selfing process seemed almost translucent, or languid, or faint - its hard to describe; assigning a sense of self to sense-data seemed almost like more trouble than it was worth. This session seemed to last a long time. 

Observations: N/A.

Untitled

Time: 65 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and immediately fell into a series of short stories. Equanimity was high, but concentration was low. Eventually, awareness settled on the sense of touch. Sensations were flickering in and out of existence at a rate of about five times per second or so. I reminded myself to watch each sensation for the Three Characteristics and to watch out for a sense of "me" observing (and if I saw that, to trace it to the applicable Aggregate). I fell in and out of stories and slowly Concentration picked-up. After a while, Equanimity and Concentration were both high, and sensations were presenting maybe a dozen times per second or more. Data from multiple sense-doors was presenting simultaneously (what I call "Formations"). But, though I felt like speed and precision were up, and the selfing process was more or less "phoning it in", really seeing the Three Characteristics in each sensation proved very hard. This was a very, very slippery session that way.

Observations: I have the strangest feeling of being close to the objective, but hopelessly lost at the same time; as if caught up in a hedge-maze or something.

Untitled

Time: 50 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I reminded myself to watch each sensation for any/all of the Three Characteristics and to see if there was ever a felt sense of an observer (read "me") and if so, to investigate that to see what sensation I was labeling "me". I closed my eyes and awareness settled on the sense of touch. Sensations were flickering in and out of existence at a rate of about six times per second. The flickering had a very subtle, fine quality to it. When I spotted a sense of observer, I explored that sense to see which of the Five Aggregates it was, and THEN tried to see the Three Characteristic's in that aggregate.  Concentration and equanimity were both high. I fell into little stories from time to time, but only briefly. I also almost dozed-off a few times.

Observations: I was pretty tired this session, and I felt it. There were a few times when I was definitely asleep sitting up for a moment. The selfing-process seems to be labeling sensations as "me" with less passion and vigor each session, but the sensations which are themselves being labeled "me" are becoming more and more subtle each session too. I find I'm having difficulty being hyper-precise in my investigation of the Three Characteristics in each sensation because the sensations themselves are happening so quickly and "quietly" (for lack of a better word). It doesn't help that I'm (apparently) exhausted either.

Unitlted

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and awareness settled on the sense of touch. Sensations were flickering in and out of existence at a rate of about six times per second. I reminded myself to watch each sensation for the Three Characteristics and to watch out for a sense of "me" observing. When I spotted a sense of observer, I explored that sense to see which of the Five Aggregates it was, and THEN tried to see the Three Characteristic's in that aggregate.  Concentration and equanimity were both high. I fell into little stories from time to time. The felt sense of an observer, relative to the last few sessions, was weaker last session, and even weaker this session.

Observations: N/A.

Untitled

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and reminded myself to watch for a "felt sense of the observer" and to see which of the Five Aggregates was being assigned this sense, and then see the Three Characteristic's in that aggregate. Awareness settled on the sense of touch. Sensations were arising, doing their thing, and passing at a rate of about six per second. Concentration and equanimity were both moderate. I fell into a little story and popped back. Observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence. Then fell into a story again. This happened two or three times. Then I popped out and concentration and equanimity were both high. Sensation/sense-organ/consciousness (contact) would occur, a feeling-tone would arise, a thought, then an urge; lather, rinse, repeat. The assigned sense of self would be to one of those aggregates, and wherever it was seen, the chain would end and the urge to observe sensate phenomena would start the chain over. I fell into stories several more times. The "assigning" of self seems to be less, I don't know, "passionate" maybe, this last session. Its as if the meditator is starting to catch on that selfing is fiction - that there is nothing that is self more or less than anything else, and that the process of selfing is inherrently and endlessly flawed. 

Observations: This last session was tiring, but not as exhausting as they have been on average lately. Couple that with the fact that the selfing process is happening with a little less enthusiasm and certainty than it has been in the past, and I think the meditator may be catching on. Time will tell.

Untitled

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and reminded myself to watch for a "felt sense of the observer" and to see which of the Five Aggregates was being assigned this sense, and then see the Three Characteristic's in that aggregate. I  began by observing touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six to eight times per second. Strength of concentration and equanimity were both high. I fell into a little story and popped back. A touch-sensation would occur, I'd recognize it, I'd have a feeling about it, a thought about the preceding, and then an urge to pay attention to touch-sensations, then I'd be back at square-one. Somewhere in that chain I'd "find" the felt-sense-of-the-observer. There were lots of little stories I'd fall into. But I always popped back. A lot of the higher jhanas were in the background of this session (infinite space and infinite consciousness for sure). I didn't endeavor to stabilize them, and they stopped presenting after a bit. I started to run out of juice about 80% of the way through this session.      


Observations: I'm still trying to get a grip on the Five Aggregates and how they work - I need to do some more research. This practice is grueling concentration-wise - but the insights into the selfing process are interesting and feel as though they're relevant. Onward.

Untitled

Time: 25 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and reminded myself to watch for a "felt sense of the observer" and to see which of the Five Aggregates was being assigned this sense, and then see the Three Characteristic's in that aggregate. I  began by observing touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration and equanimity were both moderate. I fell into a little story. Then there were a series of realizations like: the thing "I" seems to be is what I assign "I"ness to - so I is a fiction! And: if any of this is "I", all of it must be - certainly no more some than other. Then the session ended.
     
Observations: I'm still trying to get a grip on the Five Aggregates and how they work. Applying this bit of meditation theory to my sittings is proving difficult - but rewarding.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and reminded myself to watch for "felt sense of the observer" and to see which of the Five Aggregates was being assigned this sense, and then see the Three Characteristic's in that aggregate. I  began by observing touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration and equanimity were both high. There were some formless jhanas doing their thing in the back ground, but I dissected each sensation as an object so the jhanas never really solidified. I observed the flickering of each sensation, noting it as "sensation", and then noted any corresponding aggregate to which I was assigning "I"ness. I fell into a story once. Formations were evident. Energy flagged around the 35 or 40 minute mark. The session ended.
     
Observations: This was a pretty exhausting session. I felt like concentration was really focused for most of it and there was distinct "fox hunt" like quality to it as I constantly chased the label "I" and looked for the Three Characteristics in whatever aggregate "I"ness had been assigned to. There was a bit of a confusion factor too, or maybe a sea-sickness quotient, or whatever you want to call it, as after some time of this practice, I was just mentally spent and feeling all kinds of turned around . . . but not in a bad way. Just a way. Anyway . . . talk to you tomorrow. :D

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration and equanimity were both moderate to high. I observed the flickering of each sensation, noting it as "sensation", and then noted any corresponding "felt sense of the observer" of the sensation by noting it as whichever of the Five Aggregates (sensation, feeling-tone, thought, urge) as discussed "here".
     
Observations: This process did a good job of keeping me on track and focused, but it didn't feel "right". I don't know - this was my first hardcore attempt to use the Five Aggregates to debunk the sense of self. Maybe it just takes practice.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about five times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate, as was equanimity. I observed the flickering of the object and if/which of the the five aggregates I was assigning a sense of self to. I fell into a story, popped back out, and concentration was high, as was equanimity. Then I felt as if I passed through a point in space - as if through a gate or hole. The speed of flickering increased to maybe ten or more times per second. Data from multiple sense-doors present simultaneously in each flicker; I call these formations. There was physical rapture. I fell into multiple stories. Each time I popped out, concentration and equanimity were high, the speed of flickering was super-fast, formations were evident, and physical rapture was present. Selfing diminished somewhat as the session continued. When the session ended, I came out of meditation with a sense of coming up out of deep water. Time had seemed to fly by.
   
Observations: The plan is to keep on keepin' on.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about five or six times per second. Strength of concentration was high - but equanimity was relatively low. Too, there was a sort of void or hole in my concentration, right at the center of the field. Anyway, I observed touch-sensations arise, do their thing, and pass away into nothingness, and then observed which of the five aggregates I was assigning a sense of self to as it observed that information from the Sense Doors. I fell into a story, popped back out, and concentration was high, and equanimity was moderate.  The flickering of data sped up. Formations were subtly there. I fell into another story and when I popped back out both concentration and equanimity were high. More and more sense-data was coming in and not triggering a selfing process. The session ended and it felt like I was coming up out of very deep water. Time had flown by. Now (about a half hour later) I feel very aware . . . open? I don't know how to describe it. Also, during the session, I had the opportunity to jump into one or two of the Pure Land jhanas, but I continued to not sense-data and selfing, instead.
   
Observations: I've been trying to note selfing whenever possible off the cushion. This session feels like that practice has been doing "something" inside me. This session felt deep and significant in some way. Will continue to explore.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience: As I sat down to meditate, I noted the presence of non-specific anxiety and excitement, which I took to be a good sign. I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate, as was equanimity. I reminded myself to observe information from the Sense Doors, and to observe which of the five aggregates I was assigning a sense of self to as it observed that information from the Sense Doors. I fell into a story, popped back out, and concentration was high, as was equanimity.  The flickering of data in and out of existence was at a very rapid frame-rate, and the flickering was subtle. Formations were evident. I fell into another story and when I popped back out there was a sense of spaciousness and stillness. I checked to see which aggregate I was assigning a sense of self to, and that process was not happening: just sense-data, flickering. This phase of the session lasted for a period of time that's hard to quantify. Slowly, the selfing process rebooted, and I continued to practice as before (in this session) until the timer sounded.
 
Observations: I'm feeling like I was in high Equanimity during this session, which is both exciting and terrifying. No idea what the "quiet space" was. Onward!

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate; equanimity was low. I reminded myself that all of "this" was not me, not permanent, and not satisfying, and that the process of observation was itself an object. I fell into a little story and then snapped back. The flickering of each "frame" of reality increased and so was concentration. There was a fear of death and a sensation of helplessness/vulnerability. I fell into another story, deeper this time, then popped back out. Concentration was increased even more, and now there was moderate equanimity as well. Sense-data, observation, thoughts, and emotions all pulsed in and out of existence rapidly and in time with one and other; I call this Formations. This continued until the session ended, with the flickering of phenomena being subtle and very fast.
 
Observations: Curiouser and curiouser.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about five or six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate; equanimity was low. I reminded myself that all of "this" was not me, not permanent, and not satisfying, and that the process of observation was itself an object. Awareness shifted to touch-sensations and the rate of flickering increased slightly to maybe eight times per second. I fell into a little story and then snapped back. Concentration was increased, but equanimity was way down - maybe gone. There was fear and anxiety. There was a visceral realization that there is only this fleeting moment - that "future" and "past" are fictions. There was more fear. Flickering got subtle. Sometimes a sense-object would present, and then a mental "reflex" spurred by the sense-object. The mental reflex was sort of what I think of when I think of "observation" - but not quite. It was clear neither was "me". I fell into a story again and snapped back. More flickering of sense-objects; sometimes observation of the mental "reflex". Another story. More flickering. And so it went until near the end, when the entire experience became very rarefied. Flickering was way, way subtle. There was a sense of three-dimensional space. There was some low level anxiety. There was fatigue. The session ended.
 
Observations: This was newish territory. Interesting and a little exciting. Also a little daunting. I'm really trying to focus on observing sense-objects and the mental sort of reflection they sometimes stir up, and to see the Three Characteristics in both. That's the practice. Its taken me here.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate; equanimity was low. I reminded myself that all of "this" was not me, not permanent, and not satisfying, and to give whatever presented as an object some space.  Awareness shifted to touch-sensations and the rate of flickering increased slightly. I fell into a little story and then snapped back. There was a lot of entanglement between my sense of self and sensations. Slowly, concentration increased and so did equanimity. I continued to fall into stories now and again, but between them sensations were presenting clearly as objects and concentration was high enough to see that they were not "me". The last ten or so minutes of this session I was pretty tired and my concentration suffered a little.
 
Observations: I took a long nap yesterday and took TWO long naps today, so I feel much better than I have the last few days. I'm still exhausted (not really sure why), but I feel like the extra sleep has gone a long way towards getting me back on track. I know the difference was palpable between my meditations over the last few days, and my one today. I'm still focusing on Not Self and trying to really chip away at the sense that sensations are anything but what they. Its a new phase of meditation and one I'm not SUPER precise with yet. But, I'll keep pounding away.

FYI: I found the comment by Nikolai found at this link helpful - http://www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/discussion/-/message_boards/message/4381924

Time: 20 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate to low. Equanimity was low. I reminded myself that all of "this" was not me, not permanent, and not satisfying.  Awareness shifted to touch-sensations. I as sucked into stories a few times, but never for very long.
 
Observations: I don't really have any observations to make except that I feel very run-down these days. Mentally and physically run-down.

Time: 15 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate. Equanimity was low. I reminded myself that all of "this" was not me, not permanent, and not satisfying. Then I watched the flickers. Then awareness shifted to touch-sensations. Then I started to nod-off . . . regularly. Finally I gave-in and lied down - lights out.

Observations: I feel like I've "fallen back" a little towards the tail-end of the Dark Night. I've been going through a phase where I haven't wanted to do much of ANYTHING. Its hard to wake-up. Hard to go to work. Hard to feed the dogs. Hard to meditate. Hard to post about meditating. I'm not sure what's going on. I needed the nap I took today instead of meditating on my lunch break, but my plan is to give meditation another shot this evening when I get home - and to blog about it! Here's to plans!

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six to eight times per second. Strength of concentration was high. Equanimity was high. I reminded myself that all of "this" was not me, not permanent, and not satisfying. Then I watched the flickers. The three characteristics were there, most often one characteristic per flicker, but sometimes they were all there. Thoughts, "remembering", and emotions were observable as objects, flickering in and out of existence. I dropped into a story after a while and then popped back out. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Observations: Time will tell, but this feels like the tail-end of the Dark Night, and entry into the rocky terrain of low equanimity. My emphasis in this session was more on being "on the ride" and less on really focusing in on each flicker of perceptual reality; more about just being aware of the omnipresence of the Three Characteristics. Its an interesting approach.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate to high. I reminded myself to focus on the space between the "flickers" and that all causal phenomena are not me, impermanent, and unsatisfying. I dropped into a story and popped back out. Concentration was slightly increased. Sensations from multiple sense-doors presented simultaneously in each "flicker" of perceptual reality. Comfort oscillated between moderate equanimity and minor physical/mental discomfort. I dropped into a story, popped back out, and the cycle repeated. This happened maybe twenty or thirty times with me on occasion dozing-off instead of dropping into a story, though all of these periods of non-investigation of sensate reality were brief.

Observations: Things seem to be be moving along the Progress of Insight. Cool.

Time: 40 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate. I reminded myself to focus on the Three Characteristics. I dropped into a story and snapped back. Observation itself, thoughts, and feelings were all objects to be observed as they flickered in and out of existence. The Three Characteristics were very evident. Discomfort was there as was the sort of "hole" in the middle of my perceptual field. Then I dropped into a story again, snapped back, and the process repeated. This cycle went on for maybe ten or twelve revolutions.

Observations: I am dead tired this week. Its hard to stay awake for the whole session. I feel like I'm adrift in the Dark Night; every once in a while I'll "bump up against" Equanimity, only to drift away again into the Dark Night. I need to get some more sleep and recharge my batteries a little bit.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate. I reminded myself to focus on the Three Characteristics in each sensation. Within a few moments awareness transitioned to touch-sensation, and the speed of flickering increased and the vibratory quality of reality was very, very fine. I dropped into a story and snapped back. Concentration was high-moderate and the field of awareness had a Boundless/Infinite Space quality to it. Observation itself, thoughts, and feelings were all objects to be observed as they flickered in and out of existence. No one Characteristic was predominant. There was bodily discomfort that increased throughout the session, but it was just "out there" in the perceptual field. The "dead area" in the middle of the perceptual field I described yesterday was present here to, but was less pronounced. 

Observations: n/a.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate. Within a few moments awareness transitioned to touch-sensation, and the speed of flickering increased to maybe ten or twelve times per second. I dropped into a story and snapped back. Concentration was high-moderate and the field of awareness was broader somehow. I reminded myself to focus on the Three Characteristics in each sensation - and boy were they there. Observation itself, thoughts, and feelings were all objects to be observed as they flickered in and out of existence. No one Characteristic was predominant. There was some pain and discomfort, but it didn't really "touch" "me". Concentration had a sort of area of dead-space in the middle - if that makes any sense, but the periphery of awareness was bright and clear.

Observations: n/a.

Today is one of those days when I just don't have time to write about it. Sorry, folks.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was low and the field of awareness was shallow. Within a few moments I was in a story. I popped back out and concentration was increased to moderate. I reminded myself to focus on the Three Characteristics in each sensation. Thoughts, feelings, observation-itself, all were observable as objects, flickering in and out of existence. Impermanence came on strong. I slipped into stories a few times and the foregoing cycle repeated. Then I popped out of a story and there was a sort of *thunk* like shifting gears in a car, and the flickering of sensations got a lot faster. Faster than I can really describe. Awareness would ebb and flow, but concentration was much higher than when the session began, and the Three Characteristics were each there in each sensation - although not observable by me simultaneously. The sensations of touch, observation-itself, and sight really seemed to be flickering at the same rate. There were feelings of disgust with my body, my attitude, my life arising and passing. Aversion to meditation arose. Pain in (literally) my ass (from the chair) arose. And they passed too. Then ding-ding! The session was over

Observations: This session had a different feel to it than the last few I've experienced. I credit this post on the DhO, which I read yesterday and had "in mind" today, as to why.