Today is one of those days when I just don't have time to write about it. Sorry, folks.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was low and the field of awareness was shallow. Within a few moments I was in a story. I popped back out and concentration was increased to moderate. I reminded myself to focus on the Three Characteristics in each sensation. Thoughts, feelings, observation-itself, all were observable as objects, flickering in and out of existence. Impermanence came on strong. I slipped into stories a few times and the foregoing cycle repeated. Then I popped out of a story and there was a sort of *thunk* like shifting gears in a car, and the flickering of sensations got a lot faster. Faster than I can really describe. Awareness would ebb and flow, but concentration was much higher than when the session began, and the Three Characteristics were each there in each sensation - although not observable by me simultaneously. The sensations of touch, observation-itself, and sight really seemed to be flickering at the same rate. There were feelings of disgust with my body, my attitude, my life arising and passing. Aversion to meditation arose. Pain in (literally) my ass (from the chair) arose. And they passed too. Then ding-ding! The session was over

Observations: This session had a different feel to it than the last few I've experienced. I credit this post on the DhO, which I read yesterday and had "in mind" today, as to why.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was low and the field of awareness was shallow. Within a few moments I in a story. I popped back out and concentration was stronger, but still pretty low. Thoughts of a Problem I've been dealing with arose persistently and I was repeatedly entangled in them. Each time I popped out of such a thought, concentration was a little, tiny bit higher. Then thoughts and feelings were observable as object, flickering in and out of existence. Not-Self was predominant. The flickering in and out of sensations increased in speed. Awareness acquired a spacious quality. Several times, sight-sensations and touch-sensations seemed to flicker at the same speed. Then I was in a story again. I popped out, and again observed sesnations flicker in and out of existence at a high rate of speed. This process repeated perhaps a dozen times. 

Observations: When I began this session I was so very deeply pissed-off about my Problem that it was very hard to concentrate. It was interesting though, observe the rage and frustration flicker in and out of existence. After a while, I calmed down, and the session seemed to take on a pretty standard character. Lather; rinse; repeat.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was low and the field of awareness was shallow. Within a few moments I was sucked into a story. I popped back out and concentration was stronger (perhaps moderate). Thoughts and feelings were objects along with the more traditional five-senses. There was physical discomfort, boredom, aversion to meditation, and fatigue. Then I was sucked into a little story again and everything repeated, but in a shorter period. This happened over and over again - perhaps fifteen or twenty times. 

Observations: This was a cycle-heavy session. Its left me feeling disoriented and apprehensive of the ground yet to be covered. Heavy sigh. Go straight, Mike.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed visual sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Awareness shifted almost immediately from visual sensations to tactile sensations; the speed of the flickering remained more or less constant.  Concentration was low. Within a few moments I was sucked into a story. I popped back out and concentration was stronger - still not highly focused, but moderately so. Thoughts and feelings were sensations, flickering in and out of existence, to be observed as objects just as any other sensations were. There was physical discomfort. There were feelings of fear, depression, and anxiety. All this shit flickered in and out of existence. Then I was sucked into a little story again and everything repeated, but in a shorter period. Then I was sucked into a little story again and everything repeated again, but this time in a shorter period than the last time. Again and again this happened. Maybe a half dozen times. Each time concentration came back online stronger than before, and the flickering of sensations became a little finer. Then the session ended.

Observations: I don't know how related it is to my meditation, but I've been pretty fragile mentally lately. Its sucked. Onward, I suppose.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed visual sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Awareness shifted almost immediately from visual sensations to tactile sensations, and the speed seemed to increase dramatically.  Concentration was moderate and the flickering had a "fine" quality to it. Within a few minutes I was sucked into a story. I popped back out and there was greater spaciousness to awareness than before. Concentration was slightly higher. Thoughts and feelings were sensations, flickering in and out of existence, to be observed as objects just as any other sensations were. Lather, rinse, repeat and then the session ended. There was some minor anxiety and terror observed in there too, but nothing totally freaky. There were also several periods where it seemed like perception itself was shacking, sort of rattling in and out of existence - but the experience wasn't as grand as that sounds and was kind of disconcerting and in any case, brief.


Observations: N/A.

Time: 30 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed visual sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Awareness shifted almost immediately from visual sensations to tactile sensations, and the flickering of sensations seemed to increase in speed to perhaps eight times per second or so. Concentration was very low. I was sucked into stories many times. I would pop back out briefly, but always got distracted again. The stories would wrap around awareness like a thick blanket. There was almost a muffling volume to them. There were emotions present like disappointment and despair. I nodded-off once or twice. I ended the session at 30 minutes and lied down to take a nap for the remainder of the session - which was really nice, because I was bushed.

Observations: I'm trying sitting in a chair for meditation. Its a new thing. My back has been "out" for about a month now and my wife has suggested that it might have something to do with how I sit when I meditate. I kind of doubt it, but I figure a week of meditating in a chair is a worthwhile experiment to see if it helps .

This area feels like Dark Night to me. The difficulty concentrating and feelings of worthlessness are definitely red flags I associate with the dhukka nanas. Time will tell though.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting Burmese-style with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed visual sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Awareness shifted from visual sensations to tactile sensations, and the flickering of sensations seemed to increase in speed to perhaps eight times per second. Concentration was moderate and there was no physical discomfort. I fell into a story, snapped back and concentration was fairly sharp, but panoramic and somehow "shallow". Thoughts and the act of observing sensations were sensations to be observed - just as the more traditional five senses sensations were. I repeatedly fell into stories and then snapped back into the panoramic, shallow concentration space. Towards the end of the session I experienced flickering lights behind my eyelids. When the session ended, I opened my eyes and found that my body had twisted as I sat, so that I was at an odd angle on the cushion.

Observations: This all seems like a old territory redux. Its confusing, but okay. I believe I'll continue on.

Observations: Today is just gonna be observations. Its been three days since my last post. The first day I didn't meditate. I had some errands I had to run during my usual meditation time and I just never found a replacement time period to meditate that day. The second day I had an off-the-cushion fruition during a midday meeting - which was a little weird. Then I meditated later on (38 minutes or so) but I didn't post about it. I don't remember a ton about that session except that the cycling I've usually been doing through the nanas took a lot longer. I had one or two events that seemed like fruitions. Then the session ended. Today I meditated for my usual 45 minute time period, but had no fruitions. The session was full of stories and tape loops and later on a high-degree of physical pain. I can't be sure, but I feel like if I was in Review before, I've dropped out. Time will tell.

I had an interesting thought today though, while meditating. There were kids "playing" outside (or something) and they were doing a lot of yelling and screaming and such. I was in the middle of noting that all the sense-data that I was perceiving, including the act of perception, was not "me" when it occurred to me that the sounds of those kids playing were me to the extent that anything else I could perceive was me. That was kind wild.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting Burmese-style with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed visual sensations flickering in and out of existence at about four times per second. Awareness shifted from visual sensations to the act of observing the visual sensations, which observing was itself simply a sensation to be observed as it flickered in and out of existence. Concentration was diffuse. I observed the sensation of fear arise, do its thing, and disappear; I observed the awareness of fear arise, do its thing, and disappear. This process continued on and on with different things: aversion, anxiety, dissatisfaction, sound, pain, and on and on. I noticed that the background would shift from diffuse concentration and emotional instability, to concentration and emotional calm, to a mental anomaly, to bodily bliss, to flickering lights, and back to diffuse concentration and emotional instability. This background cycle repeated more times than I could count, but my practice remained the same: simply observing whatever sensations presented as they flickered in and out of existence, including observing the sensation of observing.

Observations: N/A.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting Burmese-style with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed the sense-field flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Awareness shifted to the act of observing, which itself was simply data in the the sense-field, flickering in and out of existence. Awareness shifted to the awareness of observation being data in the sense-field, and this awareness of observing was seen to be simply data in the sense-field, flickering in and out of existence. In short order the flickering in-and-out was happening faster than I could count. All phenomena, including "my" experiencing of all phenomena, was observed to be occurring "out there" in the sense-field, and hence was observed to be incapable of being "me" at all. A rich bliss-wave would hit (data in the sense-field) and be perceived (the act of which was itself data in the sense-field). Lights would flicker behind my eyelids and the sensation of energy flows and releases would arise in the body (all of which, and the perception of all of which, was data in in the sense-field, and hence not me). Concentration would get diffuse and the awareness would hang-out around the edges of perception, instead of the center. Feelings of fear, shame, and anxiety arose. All this, and the perception of all this, was seen to be "out there" in the sense-field, and hence not "me". A place of spacious equanimity would present. A bliss wave would hit. All of this, but ALL OF IT, was presenting out there in the sense-field, as was the perception of it, as was the noting of the perception of it, as was the perception of the noting of the perception of it, and on and on! I was back to flickering lights and energy in the body. Lather, rinse, repeat maybe twenty or thirty times - maybe more.

Observations: This session I took the advice I was given by Nick here and just observed sense-data, including the observation of that data. Cycling was obvious and powerful. There were points when sensations in the sense-field would almost wave back at me claiming, "Hi, Mike! I'm you" even though their vary existence in the sense-field belied the claim. Weird and amazing.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting Burmese-style with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed the perceptual field flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Awareness shifted to my sense of touch, and this arising and passing sped up to perhaps six times per second. A drifted-off into stories and snapped back. Concentration was much higher, as was over-all equanimity. Arising and passing was "chunky" and very fast (the frame-rate was up in excess of ten times per second maybe). I focused on not manipulating the session, merely trying to whatever sense-data was in evidence "right now" as precisely as possible. There was a *blip* in awareness, a wave of physical bliss spread through the body, and the cycle repeated. This cycle repeated a dozen times or more. Although still super fast-moving and slippery, I'm beginning to get clearer impressions of what appear to be the Doors involved.

Observations: It would be nice to know what's going on - but (FACT) I don't know. In any case though, it felt really nice to let go of trying to control the session, and to just focus on perceiving whatever sense-data was presenting at that moment - almost restful. More tomorrow, kids.

Time: 35 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting Burmese-style with my hands on my knees.

This session marks my return to vipassana. Samatha was interesting, pleasant, and may have increased my concentration skills, but ultimately it simply felt less revealing and likely to produce permanent change than vipassana. I had switched to samatha to get a handle on some on what some "mystery states" were that I was experiencing and I feel like I pretty much accomplished that; I'm confident now that those states were pure abodes (or jhanas 9-13). I could have spent more time doing samatha, I but I feel like (having accomplished the ID I'd set out to accomplish) it was time to get back to business.  

Experience: I closed my eyes and observed the perceptual field arising and passing at perhaps four or six times per second. Almost immediately, I felt a huge pressure at my third eye. I allowed attention to settle on that area and the arising and passing I'd been experiencing increased to maybe eight times per second. I fell into a little story, snapped back, and concentration was increased, as was equanimity. Equanimity was not particularly high, but it was there in the background. Data from the sense-doors arose and passed together, the door of origin being irrelevant. There was the sensation of awareness being sucked out of existence for a moment, then it was back. In retrospect, the door was suffering. Sense-data became a lot more jumbled and concentration ebbed. I fell into a little story, snapped back, and concentration was higher. Arising and passing was again rapid and clear, and sense-data arose and passed together but was not longer swirling and jumbled. Equanimity was higher than previously in this session. Awareness momentarily blipped out of existence. In retrospect, the door was impermanence. The session ended.

Observations: I'm pretty fatigued today and my mental health has been better. Anxiety and depression has been in the background quite a bit. These periods are never fun.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting Burmese-style with my hands on my knees, and exploring the jhanic arc using a samatha approach.
Experience: I closed my eyes and access concentration was there. I settled awareness on the pleasant sensation of the weight of my flesh as I sat. The pleasant sensation began to pulse and I experienced waves of profound physical pleasure. I was no longer "trying" to be aware, I was just aware. Then the physical pleasure waves cooled down in intensity, and a mental quietude arose. Then the physical pleasure dissipated and the mental quietude really came on strong. There was a disruption in perception - like an awkward change in the frame rate of reality that I didn't quite follow. Then (still mental quietude) space appeared as three-dimensional. The borders of my body were gone. Physical sensations were still present, but presented suspended in space. Then there was a chunky moment as consciousness (not awareness) seemed to engage with space, and then consciousness was right out there, permeating the three dimensional space. It didn't feel like this was "work" or like I was "trying to do it", but this consciousness-in-space got to be kind of a drag pretty fast, and consciousness seemed collapse into a heap (awareness didn't collapse, so I was still observing). The consciousness seemed to boot-up again, but it was disenchanted with stuff, so it was like it "turned away" from everything I could be aware of and was looking somewhere I couldn't see - like into a mental blind-spot of mine. But I was aware of it looking at this place I couldn't see. Then it was as if I exited a lower "level" for a higher one. I felt free-er. There was a pressure at my 3rd eye, and my eyes crossed in my head to stare at it. I felt cared for and grateful. The pressure traveled up to the crown of my head. It felt like there was a hole in the top of my head and loveliness was pouring out of it like a little fountain. My visual field glowed slightly. The physical sensations associated with this state were heavenly. The pressure traveled down from the crown of my head to my 3rd eye, and it was like a charged rod of electricity came on line, extending from my 3rd eye straight through my body to my prostate. It was vibrating intensely and rapidly. Then the rod extended past my 3rd eye to the crown of my head. Then the mental quietude that had been present since way back when physical pleasure cooled down sort of spread out. The rod of electricity was gone and it was as if the quietude was completely uncontained by my body, reality, thought, anything. This EXTREME quietude allowed awareness to simply be aware of itself. Awareness was all there was. This was extremely simple, and was beyond satisfying. There was no me to be satisfied. All there was was awareness being aware of itself. It was beautiful. Then these states reversed themselves, the experience of each being stronger the second time through than the first. Then I went back up from access concentration to the state of just awareness (the experience being stronger than the first time up and down), and then descended again to access concentration (this last trip down being the strongest experience of each state yet). Then the session ended.

Observations: Each trip through the jhanas I see a little more of them. I miss vipassana, but this is an interesting experience. I'm pretty sure the chunky little stuttering of reality between equanimity and boundless space was a fruition - but what does that mean in the samatha context?

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting Burmese-style with my hands on my knees, and exploring the jhanic arc using a samatha approach. I'll indicate what I think each bit of narrative corresponds to in terms of access concentration (AC) or jhana number (J#) by this method.

Experience: I closed my eyes and settled attention on the pleasant sensation of my body hanging from my skeletal structure (AC). Attention would occasionally wander, but gentle noting of this was sufficient to bring it back to the pleasantness, so there was a little effort involved (J1). Then effort fell away and the pleasant sensation blossomed into physical rapture. I focused on this rapture and it increased. It felt great and there was a little light show behind my eyelids (J2). After a while the physicality of the rapture became tedious. The immediacy of the rapture faded but didn't dissipate entirely, and my awareness and emotional state became still and  more spacious than previously (J3). Then the physicality of the rapture faded entirely and the still and spacious qualities of my mental experience came to the fore (J4). There was a sort-of blip in my attention, and although still experiencing the equanimity of J4, I was also perceiving the three dimensionality of space - it was vast (J5). A sense of unity with the spaciousness of space developed and awareness expended out to the edges of space (J6). Oddly, this unity got to be kind of boring pretty quickly, and awareness folded briefly in on itself (J7). Awareness opened up again, but was sort of "facing a different direction than reality" so that what I perceived wasn't quite reality but wasn't quite not reality either - this state was brief (J8). Then I felt a pressure at my brow chakra and I felt calm and loved (J9). The pressure crawled up my forehead to my crown chakra, which felt like it opened up and poured out well-being down my head and torso as my visual field glowed a light gray (J10). Then the pressure at my crown crawled back down my forehead to my brow chakra and it felt like my body began to vibrate with "something" from my prostate area to my brow chakra (J11). Then the vibrations spread up and included my crown chakra (J12). Then the order of all of the foregoing reversed itself, I descended down to AC, then slowly back up to J12, then to what I'm guessing is J13 - it was a place of just awareness. It wasn't rapturous or exciting. It was pure presence in this smooth, understated, totally sweet way. The the order reversed itself and I descended down to J2 when the session ended. 

Observations: I was pretty tired during this session, and about halfway through I decided that I would cut it short and take a nap . . . but I never quite got around to actually stopping. It was fun to ascend up the jhanic arc at a leisurely pace, just letting each transition happen on its own. I'm finding that each time I go through a jhana, I'm seeing a little bit more of it and seeing a little bit more of me experiencing it. Cool.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting Burmese-style with my hands on my knees.

On the advice of a few DhO compadres, I went samatha this session.  The general idea is that (for a while at least) I will attempt to traverse the "jhanic arc" with a view to solidifying and exploring each state, rather than deconstruct them, and seeing what happens. So here goes . . . or rather, here already went!

Experience: I closed my eyes and concentration was high. I allowed awareness to alight on the pleasant sensation of the weight of my flesh hanging on my skeletal structure. Awareness would move around a bit and get distracted, but only a little, and each time I noted distraction, awareness settled back on the pleasantness of the weight of my flesh. I call the this the First Samatha Jhana. Then there was a sort of sensory blossoming as pleasantness gave way to complete physical rapture. My whole body vibrated with pleasure and awareness (unlike in the First Samatha Jhana) wasn't distractable anymore - it was right there, consumed by and consuming this rapture. I call this the Second Samatha Jhana. Somehow or other, the physical rapture of the Second Samatha Jhana kind of went menthol - it cooled in this delightfully refreshing way, like jumping into a pool out of a dry sauna; there was a flavor of equanimity then, but only a touch; it was more a mellowing-out of physical rapture and a more panoramic perspective on the experience. I call this the Third Samatha Jhana. Then the physical stuff pretty much dropped away. I could still "feel" the body, but equanimity came to the fore in a big, big way, and experiencing the sense-field became very smooth and silky. I call this the Fourth Samatha Jhana. Then there was a transition. Awareness shifted from the feel of perceiving the sense-field (smooth and silky), to the dimensions of the sense-field (3D and spacious). I call this Boundless Space. Then there was a transition. Suddenly the spaciousness of the sense-field seemed to include, and simultaneously be, all of my awareness; awareness went way beyond the borders of my body, and seemed to have no end in sight - it just went on and on as far as the sense-field went. I call this Boundless Consciousness. Then it was almost as if this HUGE, HUGE, SPACIOUS AWARENESS was just a HUGE, HUGE DRAG, and my awareness folded down on itself like a tent with no poles. It just went *floop* into a two dimensional pile on the ground - which (strange to say) was a nice break. I call this Nothingness. I didn't perceive anything except that I wasn't perceiving much except my own awareness collapse. I'm guessing this was Neither Perception Nor Yet Non-Perception. Then my awareness went from idle to active in my body, transitioned to my third eye, then moved from there to the crown of my head in short order. It was like there was a no barrier between the inside of me and the outside right there at the crown. My eyes rolled up in my head. There was the glorious, lovely opening in the crown of my head and out if was poring love and well being all over my body. My visual field glowed a light gray. I was so grateful for this love and well being - which had a character that was smooth and manageable (read "not ecstatic") but was profound and permeated all of my awareness. I call this Pure Land One. Then awareness shifted from the crown of my head back down to my third eye area and the whole of my body started to vibrate from there down. It was like the area above my third eye didn't exist, and everything below it was just electricity - like static or something. Then the rest of my head caught-up and my whole body was like static electricity from the crown down. I don't know what to call this. I hung-out in each of these states as long as I really wanted with no real rush to move on. When a transition happened, it just happened. I moved up the jhanic arc in this way up to the static electricity part, then moved back down to what I call the First Samatha Jhana, then back up to static, then back down, then back up, then back down to around Boundless Space when the session ended. Each trip up and down, I lingered in the various states longer, and the experience of the states was fuller and more intense. When I came out of the session, I felt rested, and experiential reality had a smooth "chill" factor to it that was very pleasant and very different than the semi-exhausted, destabilized feel I have when I come out of a vipassana session. The end. Jeez! What a long post!

Observations: I got nothin' on this. Its going on the DhO.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: Second sitting of the day, in a quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting Burmese-style with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I stumbled upon 45 minutes of free time, so I decided to sit. There was no excitement this time and no nervousness. I closed my eyes and immediately perceived my visual field "vibrating" at about six times per second. Concentration was high. "Vibrations" were fine. I reminded myself of what the Three Characteristics are, to let the meditation do its own thing and not try to manipulate it, and I resolved to pay very close attention to each "vibration" . Awareness shifted to my sense of touch and the "vibrations" sped-up to maybe twelve times per second or so. I slipped into a little story and snapped back. Concentration was higher and steadier. "Formations" were more or less evident. Background mental process were objects. Equanimity was high. This was all within what seemed like the first minute or two of the session. Then my head began to tingle around the middle of my forehead. The tingling sensation moved rapidly to the crown of my head. There was a sensation like my head was "open" there - as if there was no skull or hair or anything between outside and inside. There was the sensation of bubbling and gushing out of that area. My eyes were rolled-up in my head. My visual field was opaque but luminous. There was a sense of space. I hung out here for a while appreciating the mellow body-high and sense of deep contentment. I brought awareness back to the vibratory nature of the sense-field. This state dropped away. There was some mild physical discomfort, a little story, then equanimity again. "Vibrations" sped up. The later, rinse, repeat, I was back in this place of luminous, mellow joy. This time it almost felt like the sun was shining on my head and torso - but without the associated heat. It was just light. The contentment was refined, and I observed subtle but pervasive gratitude. The mellow contentment was quite heady. Then  "vibrations" came to the for again and I was back at square one . . . but this place always seemed just off-stage (in the theatrical sense), and I had the distinct impression that if I simply called for it, I would find myself there again in a flash.

Observations: Whatever this state is, experiencing it seems to correlate directly with high concentration. No high concentration, no state. But (another thing) if high concentration, then it FEELS like all I have to do is direct my attention to cultivating the state, and then bang, I'm there.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting Burmese-style with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I was excited and a little nervous going into this session - new territory. I closed my eyes and immediately perceived my visual field "vibrating" at about six to eight times per second. Concentration was high. "Vibrations" were so fine they were difficult to see well. I resolved to pay very close attention. Awareness shifted to my sense of touch and the "vibrations" sped-up to maybe twelve times per second or so. I slipped into a little story and snapped back. Concentration was higher. "Formations" were evident evident, but it was more the vibratory nature of reality that was the object, not "formations" themselves. Background mental process were objects. There was a persistent desire to "see if I can make that weird-thing that happened yesterday happen again." This desire was data in the sense-field. Equanimity was high. The distinction between arising and passing was clearly evident. Awareness was sucked into nothingness as if into a vacuum, momentarily it reemerged. The "Door", appeared to be Impermanence, and there was was a physical wave of pleasure. I was back to square one. This cycle repeated several times, with each cycle going going faster and faster, always with the "Door" of Impermanence. "Vibrations" were going FAST. The "Immaterial Jhanas" cropped up now and then but I stayed focused on vibratory nature of reality. After a few of these cycles, the thing that happened yesterday happened again: 

My head began to tingle around the middle of my forehead. The tingling sensation slowly migrated to the crown of my head. There was a sensation like something cool and bubbly was gushing out of the top of my head and down the sides of my head and face. Space was subtly luminous and had a three dimensional quality (similar to Boundless Space, but different). There was a mellow and pervasive physical pleasure in the body. I felt joy. Reality was was still vibrating - even this state arose and passed, was not me, and was not satisfying - but it was pretty nice, don't get me wrong. Continued attention on the vibratory nature of this state was probably the reason I dropped out of it and into a place of equanimity and slower, more jarring vibrations. I continued to pay attention to the vibrations, they got finer, there was a tingling sensation around the middle of my forehead . . . and after a bit I was back in the luminous, physically rapturous, joyous space again. Continued attention to the vibratory nature of this state had me drop out again, and the session ended. It felt like I'd been meditating for five or ten minutes . . . not the forty-five I actually had been.

Observations: Lets see what the boys and girls on the "DhO" have to say. 

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting Burmese-style with my hands on my knees.

Experience: There was a palpable sense of excitement going into this session. I closed my eyes and immediately perceived my visual field "vibrating" at about six to eight times per second. Concentration was high. "Vibrations" were slippery and hard to see and I made a mental note to really, really pay attention to them. Awareness shifted to my sense of touch and the "vibrations" sped-up to maybe twelve times per second or so. I slipped into a little story and snapped back. Concentration was even higher. "Formations" were somewhat evident. Background mental process were objects along with the more traditional five sense-objects. Equanimity was moderate to high. The distinction between arising and passing was clearly evident. There was an anomaly in concentration but no clear "Door", and a physical wave of pleasure. I was back to square one. This cycle repeated several times, with each cycle going going faster and faster. "Vibrations" were going faster than I can really count. The "Immaterial Jhanas" cropped up now and then, but quickly skedaddled with increased focus on their arising and passing. Then (I don't remember if there was a preceding concentration anomaly) a rapture wave that was slooooow and steady and FULL OF EQUANIMITY AND DEEP, DEEP JOY - it built and built. My excitement and joy seemed to have no limit. My visual field was full of light. "Vibrations" were super fine and super fast. This continued until the session ended (kind of suddenly and in the middle of this experience) - hey, I meditate on my lunch break, and a guy's gotta make a living.

Observations: This one is well outside of my prior experience. I'm on the fence about whether to just see what happens in the coming days or immediately post this on the "DhO" in "Dharma Diagnostics". You are reading a blog entry by one confused cookie . . . was that last experience "Pure Land One"? I guess time will tell . . . potentially.

Updated on May 7, 2013: The effects of this experience lingered for the rest of the day: though not in sitting meditation, equanimity was very high and even the tiniest bit of examination revealed that the entire sense-field was vibrating at a very, very high rate of speed.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting Burmese-style with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and immediately perceived my visual field "vibrating" at about six times per second. Concentration was high but "vibrations" were slippery and hard to see in their entirety (arising from nothing, doing there thing, vanishing utterly). Awareness shifted to my sense of touch and the "vibrations" sped-up to maybe ten times per second or so. I slipped into a little story and snapped back. "Formations" were evident. Background mental process were objects along with the more traditional five sense-objects. Equanimity was moderate. I seemed to through the "Progress of Insight" until I hit "Equanimity", and then I hung out there. I chanced into "Boundless Consciousness" once or twice but only briefly. I focused on "Not Self", there was an anomaly in concentration, and after that physical wave of rapture in the body. I thought, "hmm, lets try "Impermanence". Same thing happened. Ditto "Unsatisfactoriness". The last ten minutes or so of the session were simply observing "formations".

Observations: Reality is fluxing so fast this time around through the "Progress of Insight" - and the character of the vibrations is FAST AND SLIPPERY. I'm having difficulty seeing objects with clarity and precision and think I may be at the upper-end of my current perceptual abilities. Its very possible that I experienced some "fruitions" today, but its also super possible I didn't. I couldn't "see" well enough to feel comfortable judging.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting Burmese-style with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and immediately perceived my visual field "vibrating" at about eight to ten times per second. Concentration was high and vibrations were crisp and clear. Awareness shifted to my sense of touch and the "vibrations" sped-up to maybe twelve times per second (maybe more). I slipped into a little story and snapped back. Concentration was increased. "Formations" were evident. Equanimity was very high. I repeatedly changed into "Boundless Space" and "Boundless Consciousness", but fell out of them each fairly quickly for lack of effort to solidify them in favor of focusing on the "Three Characteristics". The foregoing cycle repeated maybe three or four times.

Observations: The theme of this session was equanimity. Everything was just fine, as it was. Reality was fluxing FAST. This is familiar territory, but with a twist I can't quite put my finger on. I feel like I'm missing something. Like there's something to be understood or "seen" that is just out of reach. I'm considering setting-up a one-on-one with a dharma teacher - but I'm still waffling on that issue. Anyway . . . another day, another dollar.

Time: 30 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting Burmese-style with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and immediately perceived my visual field "vibrating" at about six to eight times per second. Concentration was high and vibrations were crisp and clear. Awareness shifted to my sense of touch and the "vibrations" sped-up. "Formations" were evident. Chanced into several of the "immaterial jhanas".

Observations: I got food poisoning today, so this session was . . . lets say, "cut short". Anyway, I didn't get a chance to write this blog entry until some time later, and most of my memory of the session is gone.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting Burmese-style with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and immediately perceived my visual field "vibrating" at about six to eight times per second. Concentration was high and vibrations were crisp and clear. Awareness shifted to my sense of touch and the "vibrations" sped-up to twelve or more times per second. "Formations" were evident and "rich" in that they contained data from more sense doors than usual. I slipped VERY briefly into stories and tape loops throughout the session, but would snap right back. The Three Characteristics were evident in a big way. I had several experiences where awareness was sort of "sucked" somewhere, and ceased, then re-appeared. These weren't like the mental hick-ups of unknowing which I usually associate with "fruitions", and there were no clearly discernible Doors, but these events didn't feel like I had nodded-off either.

Observations: I came out of this session in a pretty blissful, highly aware state. I've actually been in a pretty blissful, aware state since they strange OFF THE CUSHION EXPERIENCE I had this morning. This sessions was fast-moving, immediate, and intense. Its analogous to playing a video game, where you're on a new level, but its a variation on an old level, so everything is very familiar feeling - and yet is at the same time distinctly new.

OFF THE CUSHION: Had a weird little moment this morning. I had just fed my dogs and was watching them from the couch (waiting for them to finish eating so I could take them outside). Suddenly there was a mental *cha-chunk* sort of experience and discursive thought stopped cold. Was this a PCE? I should do some reading around those experiences. Discursive thought slowly sped up again so that now (about four hours later), I'm (not quite) thinking away like always; but there persists a mellow little afterglow of spacious calm. Its nice . . . but I have no idea what it is.

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting Burmese-style with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and immediately perceived my visual field "vibrating" at about six times per second. Concentration was moderate to high and vibrations were crisp and clear. Awareness shifted to my sense of touch and the "vibrations" sped-up to maybe eight or ten times per second. There was physical discomfort - but it was not personal to me, it was merely a sense-object to be observed. Every so often I slipped into stories and tape loops, but these episodes were brief and somehow "shallow", in that they did not consume my awareness as they have been recently. The sense-field was fluxing rapidly, and "formations" were evident. Twice I experienced a momentary *blip* in awareness - this could have been me briefly nodding-off, or maybe a "fruition" - no door was clearly apparent and I was pretty tired, so its a mystery.

Observations: I came out of this session in a pretty blissful, highly aware state, and it took a while for "formations" to cease to be the dominant experience of the sense-field.