Thursday, August 15, 2013

Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.

Experience:  Awareness settled on touch-sense. Almost immediately sight-sense was observed. They flickered in and out of existence in tandem at about 14 times per second. Concentration and equanimity were high. Mind-activity was observable as any other object would be. I reminded myself what the Three Characteristics are and to follow and deconstruct any felt sense of self. A long period of trying to "do" the meditation followed. There was frustration and anxiety; a feeling of having lost "it". I dropped into a story and when I popped out the flickering of the confluences of organ-object-consciousness had increased to maybe 18 times per second or so. Then awareness was gone for a moment and then came back. A bliss-wave through the body. REM and crazy lights. Then pain. Then anger and sadness. Then a fading. A smoothing out. High equanimity. Again awareness was gone for a moment. This repeated and repeated. The time between the bliss-wave through the body, up the scale of experience to the moment when consciousness went became incrementally smaller as the session went on. I understood the statement "to understand two of the Three Characteristics is to understand the third" for the first time. For some reason the old koan "if a tree falls in a forest . . ." popped into my head. I felt like I understood that too. For the first time, there was the experience of "I" as a mind-activity, just like any other; for the first time there was experience of things just happening - no "me" to happen to, just mind-activity happening concurrently.

The session ended.

Observations: N/A.

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