Time: 25 minutes.
Situation: A
quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on
my knees.
Experience: I
closed my eyes and reminded myself to watch for a "felt sense of the
observer" and to see which of the Five Aggregates was being assigned
this sense, and then see the Three Characteristic's in that aggregate.
I began by observing touch-sensations flickering in and
out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of
concentration and equanimity were both moderate. I fell into a little story. Then there were a series of realizations like: the thing "I" seems to be is what I assign "I"ness to - so I is a fiction! And: if any of this is "I", all of it must be - certainly no more some than other. Then the session ended.
Observations: I'm still trying to get a grip on the Five Aggregates and how they work. Applying this bit of meditation theory to my sittings is proving difficult - but rewarding.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Friday, June 28, 2013
Time: 45 minutes.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and reminded myself to watch for "felt sense of the observer" and to see which of the Five Aggregates was being assigned this sense, and then see the Three Characteristic's in that aggregate. I began by observing touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration and equanimity were both high. There were some formless jhanas doing their thing in the back ground, but I dissected each sensation as an object so the jhanas never really solidified. I observed the flickering of each sensation, noting it as "sensation", and then noted any corresponding aggregate to which I was assigning "I"ness. I fell into a story once. Formations were evident. Energy flagged around the 35 or 40 minute mark. The session ended.
Observations: This was a pretty exhausting session. I felt like concentration was really focused for most of it and there was distinct "fox hunt" like quality to it as I constantly chased the label "I" and looked for the Three Characteristics in whatever aggregate "I"ness had been assigned to. There was a bit of a confusion factor too, or maybe a sea-sickness quotient, or whatever you want to call it, as after some time of this practice, I was just mentally spent and feeling all kinds of turned around . . . but not in a bad way. Just a way. Anyway . . . talk to you tomorrow. :D
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and reminded myself to watch for "felt sense of the observer" and to see which of the Five Aggregates was being assigned this sense, and then see the Three Characteristic's in that aggregate. I began by observing touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration and equanimity were both high. There were some formless jhanas doing their thing in the back ground, but I dissected each sensation as an object so the jhanas never really solidified. I observed the flickering of each sensation, noting it as "sensation", and then noted any corresponding aggregate to which I was assigning "I"ness. I fell into a story once. Formations were evident. Energy flagged around the 35 or 40 minute mark. The session ended.
Observations: This was a pretty exhausting session. I felt like concentration was really focused for most of it and there was distinct "fox hunt" like quality to it as I constantly chased the label "I" and looked for the Three Characteristics in whatever aggregate "I"ness had been assigned to. There was a bit of a confusion factor too, or maybe a sea-sickness quotient, or whatever you want to call it, as after some time of this practice, I was just mentally spent and feeling all kinds of turned around . . . but not in a bad way. Just a way. Anyway . . . talk to you tomorrow. :D
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Time: 45 minutes.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration and equanimity were both moderate to high. I observed the flickering of each sensation, noting it as "sensation", and then noted any corresponding "felt sense of the observer" of the sensation by noting it as whichever of the Five Aggregates (sensation, feeling-tone, thought, urge) as discussed "here".
Observations: This process did a good job of keeping me on track and focused, but it didn't feel "right". I don't know - this was my first hardcore attempt to use the Five Aggregates to debunk the sense of self. Maybe it just takes practice.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration and equanimity were both moderate to high. I observed the flickering of each sensation, noting it as "sensation", and then noted any corresponding "felt sense of the observer" of the sensation by noting it as whichever of the Five Aggregates (sensation, feeling-tone, thought, urge) as discussed "here".
Observations: This process did a good job of keeping me on track and focused, but it didn't feel "right". I don't know - this was my first hardcore attempt to use the Five Aggregates to debunk the sense of self. Maybe it just takes practice.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Time: 45 minutes.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about five times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate, as was equanimity. I observed the flickering of the object and if/which of the the five aggregates I was assigning a sense of self to. I fell into a story, popped back out, and concentration was high, as was equanimity. Then I felt as if I passed through a point in space - as if through a gate or hole. The speed of flickering increased to maybe ten or more times per second. Data from multiple sense-doors present simultaneously in each flicker; I call these formations. There was physical rapture. I fell into multiple stories. Each time I popped out, concentration and equanimity were high, the speed of flickering was super-fast, formations were evident, and physical rapture was present. Selfing diminished somewhat as the session continued. When the session ended, I came out of meditation with a sense of coming up out of deep water. Time had seemed to fly by.
Observations: The plan is to keep on keepin' on.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about five times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate, as was equanimity. I observed the flickering of the object and if/which of the the five aggregates I was assigning a sense of self to. I fell into a story, popped back out, and concentration was high, as was equanimity. Then I felt as if I passed through a point in space - as if through a gate or hole. The speed of flickering increased to maybe ten or more times per second. Data from multiple sense-doors present simultaneously in each flicker; I call these formations. There was physical rapture. I fell into multiple stories. Each time I popped out, concentration and equanimity were high, the speed of flickering was super-fast, formations were evident, and physical rapture was present. Selfing diminished somewhat as the session continued. When the session ended, I came out of meditation with a sense of coming up out of deep water. Time had seemed to fly by.
Observations: The plan is to keep on keepin' on.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Time: 45 minutes.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about five or six times per second. Strength of concentration was high - but equanimity was relatively low. Too, there was a sort of void or hole in my concentration, right at the center of the field. Anyway, I observed touch-sensations arise, do their thing, and pass away into nothingness, and then observed which of the five aggregates I was assigning a sense of self to as it observed that information from the Sense Doors. I fell into a story, popped back out, and concentration was high, and equanimity was moderate. The flickering of data sped up. Formations were subtly there. I fell into another story and when I popped back out both concentration and equanimity were high. More and more sense-data was coming in and not triggering a selfing process. The session ended and it felt like I was coming up out of very deep water. Time had flown by. Now (about a half hour later) I feel very aware . . . open? I don't know how to describe it. Also, during the session, I had the opportunity to jump into one or two of the Pure Land jhanas, but I continued to not sense-data and selfing, instead.
Observations: I've been trying to note selfing whenever possible off the cushion. This session feels like that practice has been doing "something" inside me. This session felt deep and significant in some way. Will continue to explore.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about five or six times per second. Strength of concentration was high - but equanimity was relatively low. Too, there was a sort of void or hole in my concentration, right at the center of the field. Anyway, I observed touch-sensations arise, do their thing, and pass away into nothingness, and then observed which of the five aggregates I was assigning a sense of self to as it observed that information from the Sense Doors. I fell into a story, popped back out, and concentration was high, and equanimity was moderate. The flickering of data sped up. Formations were subtly there. I fell into another story and when I popped back out both concentration and equanimity were high. More and more sense-data was coming in and not triggering a selfing process. The session ended and it felt like I was coming up out of very deep water. Time had flown by. Now (about a half hour later) I feel very aware . . . open? I don't know how to describe it. Also, during the session, I had the opportunity to jump into one or two of the Pure Land jhanas, but I continued to not sense-data and selfing, instead.
Observations: I've been trying to note selfing whenever possible off the cushion. This session feels like that practice has been doing "something" inside me. This session felt deep and significant in some way. Will continue to explore.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Time: 45 minutes.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: As I sat down to meditate, I noted the presence of non-specific anxiety and excitement, which I took to be a good sign. I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate, as was equanimity. I reminded myself to observe information from the Sense Doors, and to observe which of the five aggregates I was assigning a sense of self to as it observed that information from the Sense Doors. I fell into a story, popped back out, and concentration was high, as was equanimity. The flickering of data in and out of existence was at a very rapid frame-rate, and the flickering was subtle. Formations were evident. I fell into another story and when I popped back out there was a sense of spaciousness and stillness. I checked to see which aggregate I was assigning a sense of self to, and that process was not happening: just sense-data, flickering. This phase of the session lasted for a period of time that's hard to quantify. Slowly, the selfing process rebooted, and I continued to practice as before (in this session) until the timer sounded.
Observations: I'm feeling like I was in high Equanimity during this session, which is both exciting and terrifying. No idea what the "quiet space" was. Onward!
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: As I sat down to meditate, I noted the presence of non-specific anxiety and excitement, which I took to be a good sign. I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate, as was equanimity. I reminded myself to observe information from the Sense Doors, and to observe which of the five aggregates I was assigning a sense of self to as it observed that information from the Sense Doors. I fell into a story, popped back out, and concentration was high, as was equanimity. The flickering of data in and out of existence was at a very rapid frame-rate, and the flickering was subtle. Formations were evident. I fell into another story and when I popped back out there was a sense of spaciousness and stillness. I checked to see which aggregate I was assigning a sense of self to, and that process was not happening: just sense-data, flickering. This phase of the session lasted for a period of time that's hard to quantify. Slowly, the selfing process rebooted, and I continued to practice as before (in this session) until the timer sounded.
Observations: I'm feeling like I was in high Equanimity during this session, which is both exciting and terrifying. No idea what the "quiet space" was. Onward!
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Time: 45 minutes.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate; equanimity was low. I reminded myself that all of "this" was not me, not permanent, and not satisfying, and that the process of observation was itself an object. I fell into a little story and then snapped back. The flickering of each "frame" of reality increased and so was concentration. There was a fear of death and a sensation of helplessness/vulnerability. I fell into another story, deeper this time, then popped back out. Concentration was increased even more, and now there was moderate equanimity as well. Sense-data, observation, thoughts, and emotions all pulsed in and out of existence rapidly and in time with one and other; I call this Formations. This continued until the session ended, with the flickering of phenomena being subtle and very fast.
Observations: Curiouser and curiouser.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate; equanimity was low. I reminded myself that all of "this" was not me, not permanent, and not satisfying, and that the process of observation was itself an object. I fell into a little story and then snapped back. The flickering of each "frame" of reality increased and so was concentration. There was a fear of death and a sensation of helplessness/vulnerability. I fell into another story, deeper this time, then popped back out. Concentration was increased even more, and now there was moderate equanimity as well. Sense-data, observation, thoughts, and emotions all pulsed in and out of existence rapidly and in time with one and other; I call this Formations. This continued until the session ended, with the flickering of phenomena being subtle and very fast.
Observations: Curiouser and curiouser.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Time: 45 minutes.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about five or six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate; equanimity was low. I reminded myself that all of "this" was not me, not permanent, and not satisfying, and that the process of observation was itself an object. Awareness shifted to touch-sensations and the rate of flickering increased slightly to maybe eight times per second. I fell into a little story and then snapped back. Concentration was increased, but equanimity was way down - maybe gone. There was fear and anxiety. There was a visceral realization that there is only this fleeting moment - that "future" and "past" are fictions. There was more fear. Flickering got subtle. Sometimes a sense-object would present, and then a mental "reflex" spurred by the sense-object. The mental reflex was sort of what I think of when I think of "observation" - but not quite. It was clear neither was "me". I fell into a story again and snapped back. More flickering of sense-objects; sometimes observation of the mental "reflex". Another story. More flickering. And so it went until near the end, when the entire experience became very rarefied. Flickering was way, way subtle. There was a sense of three-dimensional space. There was some low level anxiety. There was fatigue. The session ended.
Observations: This was newish territory. Interesting and a little exciting. Also a little daunting. I'm really trying to focus on observing sense-objects and the mental sort of reflection they sometimes stir up, and to see the Three Characteristics in both. That's the practice. Its taken me here.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about five or six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate; equanimity was low. I reminded myself that all of "this" was not me, not permanent, and not satisfying, and that the process of observation was itself an object. Awareness shifted to touch-sensations and the rate of flickering increased slightly to maybe eight times per second. I fell into a little story and then snapped back. Concentration was increased, but equanimity was way down - maybe gone. There was fear and anxiety. There was a visceral realization that there is only this fleeting moment - that "future" and "past" are fictions. There was more fear. Flickering got subtle. Sometimes a sense-object would present, and then a mental "reflex" spurred by the sense-object. The mental reflex was sort of what I think of when I think of "observation" - but not quite. It was clear neither was "me". I fell into a story again and snapped back. More flickering of sense-objects; sometimes observation of the mental "reflex". Another story. More flickering. And so it went until near the end, when the entire experience became very rarefied. Flickering was way, way subtle. There was a sense of three-dimensional space. There was some low level anxiety. There was fatigue. The session ended.
Observations: This was newish territory. Interesting and a little exciting. Also a little daunting. I'm really trying to focus on observing sense-objects and the mental sort of reflection they sometimes stir up, and to see the Three Characteristics in both. That's the practice. Its taken me here.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Time: 45 minutes.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate; equanimity was low. I reminded myself that all of "this" was not me, not permanent, and not satisfying, and to give whatever presented as an object some space. Awareness shifted to touch-sensations and the rate of flickering increased slightly. I fell into a little story and then snapped back. There was a lot of entanglement between my sense of self and sensations. Slowly, concentration increased and so did equanimity. I continued to fall into stories now and again, but between them sensations were presenting clearly as objects and concentration was high enough to see that they were not "me". The last ten or so minutes of this session I was pretty tired and my concentration suffered a little.
Observations: I took a long nap yesterday and took TWO long naps today, so I feel much better than I have the last few days. I'm still exhausted (not really sure why), but I feel like the extra sleep has gone a long way towards getting me back on track. I know the difference was palpable between my meditations over the last few days, and my one today. I'm still focusing on Not Self and trying to really chip away at the sense that sensations are anything but what they. Its a new phase of meditation and one I'm not SUPER precise with yet. But, I'll keep pounding away.
FYI: I found the comment by Nikolai found at this link helpful - http://www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/discussion/-/message_boards/message/4381924
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate; equanimity was low. I reminded myself that all of "this" was not me, not permanent, and not satisfying, and to give whatever presented as an object some space. Awareness shifted to touch-sensations and the rate of flickering increased slightly. I fell into a little story and then snapped back. There was a lot of entanglement between my sense of self and sensations. Slowly, concentration increased and so did equanimity. I continued to fall into stories now and again, but between them sensations were presenting clearly as objects and concentration was high enough to see that they were not "me". The last ten or so minutes of this session I was pretty tired and my concentration suffered a little.
Observations: I took a long nap yesterday and took TWO long naps today, so I feel much better than I have the last few days. I'm still exhausted (not really sure why), but I feel like the extra sleep has gone a long way towards getting me back on track. I know the difference was palpable between my meditations over the last few days, and my one today. I'm still focusing on Not Self and trying to really chip away at the sense that sensations are anything but what they. Its a new phase of meditation and one I'm not SUPER precise with yet. But, I'll keep pounding away.
FYI: I found the comment by Nikolai found at this link helpful - http://www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/discussion/-/message_boards/message/4381924
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Time: 20 minutes.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate to low. Equanimity was low. I reminded myself that all of "this" was not me, not permanent, and not satisfying. Awareness shifted to touch-sensations. I as sucked into stories a few times, but never for very long.
Observations: I don't really have any observations to make except that I feel very run-down these days. Mentally and physically run-down.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate to low. Equanimity was low. I reminded myself that all of "this" was not me, not permanent, and not satisfying. Awareness shifted to touch-sensations. I as sucked into stories a few times, but never for very long.
Observations: I don't really have any observations to make except that I feel very run-down these days. Mentally and physically run-down.
Time: 15 minutes.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate. Equanimity was low. I reminded myself that all of "this" was not me, not permanent, and not satisfying. Then I watched the flickers. Then awareness shifted to touch-sensations. Then I started to nod-off . . . regularly. Finally I gave-in and lied down - lights out.
Observations: I feel like I've "fallen back" a little towards the tail-end of the Dark Night. I've been going through a phase where I haven't wanted to do much of ANYTHING. Its hard to wake-up. Hard to go to work. Hard to feed the dogs. Hard to meditate. Hard to post about meditating. I'm not sure what's going on. I needed the nap I took today instead of meditating on my lunch break, but my plan is to give meditation another shot this evening when I get home - and to blog about it! Here's to plans!
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate. Equanimity was low. I reminded myself that all of "this" was not me, not permanent, and not satisfying. Then I watched the flickers. Then awareness shifted to touch-sensations. Then I started to nod-off . . . regularly. Finally I gave-in and lied down - lights out.
Observations: I feel like I've "fallen back" a little towards the tail-end of the Dark Night. I've been going through a phase where I haven't wanted to do much of ANYTHING. Its hard to wake-up. Hard to go to work. Hard to feed the dogs. Hard to meditate. Hard to post about meditating. I'm not sure what's going on. I needed the nap I took today instead of meditating on my lunch break, but my plan is to give meditation another shot this evening when I get home - and to blog about it! Here's to plans!
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Time: 45 minutes.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six to eight times per second. Strength of concentration was high. Equanimity was high. I reminded myself that all of "this" was not me, not permanent, and not satisfying. Then I watched the flickers. The three characteristics were there, most often one characteristic per flicker, but sometimes they were all there. Thoughts, "remembering", and emotions were observable as objects, flickering in and out of existence. I dropped into a story after a while and then popped back out. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Observations: Time will tell, but this feels like the tail-end of the Dark Night, and entry into the rocky terrain of low equanimity. My emphasis in this session was more on being "on the ride" and less on really focusing in on each flicker of perceptual reality; more about just being aware of the omnipresence of the Three Characteristics. Its an interesting approach.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six to eight times per second. Strength of concentration was high. Equanimity was high. I reminded myself that all of "this" was not me, not permanent, and not satisfying. Then I watched the flickers. The three characteristics were there, most often one characteristic per flicker, but sometimes they were all there. Thoughts, "remembering", and emotions were observable as objects, flickering in and out of existence. I dropped into a story after a while and then popped back out. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Observations: Time will tell, but this feels like the tail-end of the Dark Night, and entry into the rocky terrain of low equanimity. My emphasis in this session was more on being "on the ride" and less on really focusing in on each flicker of perceptual reality; more about just being aware of the omnipresence of the Three Characteristics. Its an interesting approach.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Time: 45 minutes.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate to high. I reminded myself to focus on the space between the "flickers" and that all causal phenomena are not me, impermanent, and unsatisfying. I dropped into a story and popped back out. Concentration was slightly increased. Sensations from multiple sense-doors presented simultaneously in each "flicker" of perceptual reality. Comfort oscillated between moderate equanimity and minor physical/mental discomfort. I dropped into a story, popped back out, and the cycle repeated. This happened maybe twenty or thirty times with me on occasion dozing-off instead of dropping into a story, though all of these periods of non-investigation of sensate reality were brief.
Observations: Things seem to be be moving along the Progress of Insight. Cool.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate to high. I reminded myself to focus on the space between the "flickers" and that all causal phenomena are not me, impermanent, and unsatisfying. I dropped into a story and popped back out. Concentration was slightly increased. Sensations from multiple sense-doors presented simultaneously in each "flicker" of perceptual reality. Comfort oscillated between moderate equanimity and minor physical/mental discomfort. I dropped into a story, popped back out, and the cycle repeated. This happened maybe twenty or thirty times with me on occasion dozing-off instead of dropping into a story, though all of these periods of non-investigation of sensate reality were brief.
Observations: Things seem to be be moving along the Progress of Insight. Cool.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Time: 40 minutes.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate. I reminded myself to focus on the Three Characteristics. I dropped into a story and snapped back. Observation itself, thoughts, and feelings were all objects to be observed as they flickered in and out of existence. The Three Characteristics were very evident. Discomfort was there as was the sort of "hole" in the middle of my perceptual field. Then I dropped into a story again, snapped back, and the process repeated. This cycle went on for maybe ten or twelve revolutions.
Observations: I am dead tired this week. Its hard to stay awake for the whole session. I feel like I'm adrift in the Dark Night; every once in a while I'll "bump up against" Equanimity, only to drift away again into the Dark Night. I need to get some more sleep and recharge my batteries a little bit.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed touch-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate. I reminded myself to focus on the Three Characteristics. I dropped into a story and snapped back. Observation itself, thoughts, and feelings were all objects to be observed as they flickered in and out of existence. The Three Characteristics were very evident. Discomfort was there as was the sort of "hole" in the middle of my perceptual field. Then I dropped into a story again, snapped back, and the process repeated. This cycle went on for maybe ten or twelve revolutions.
Observations: I am dead tired this week. Its hard to stay awake for the whole session. I feel like I'm adrift in the Dark Night; every once in a while I'll "bump up against" Equanimity, only to drift away again into the Dark Night. I need to get some more sleep and recharge my batteries a little bit.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Time: 45 minutes.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate. I reminded myself to focus on the Three Characteristics in each sensation. Within a few moments awareness transitioned to touch-sensation, and the speed of flickering increased and the vibratory quality of reality was very, very fine. I dropped into a story and snapped back. Concentration was high-moderate and the field of awareness had a Boundless/Infinite Space quality to it. Observation itself, thoughts, and feelings were all objects to be observed as they flickered in and out of existence. No one Characteristic was predominant. There was bodily discomfort that increased throughout the session, but it was just "out there" in the perceptual field. The "dead area" in the middle of the perceptual field I described yesterday was present here to, but was less pronounced.
Observations: n/a.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate. I reminded myself to focus on the Three Characteristics in each sensation. Within a few moments awareness transitioned to touch-sensation, and the speed of flickering increased and the vibratory quality of reality was very, very fine. I dropped into a story and snapped back. Concentration was high-moderate and the field of awareness had a Boundless/Infinite Space quality to it. Observation itself, thoughts, and feelings were all objects to be observed as they flickered in and out of existence. No one Characteristic was predominant. There was bodily discomfort that increased throughout the session, but it was just "out there" in the perceptual field. The "dead area" in the middle of the perceptual field I described yesterday was present here to, but was less pronounced.
Observations: n/a.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Time: 45 minutes.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate. Within a few moments awareness transitioned to touch-sensation, and the speed of flickering increased to maybe ten or twelve times per second. I dropped into a story and snapped back. Concentration was high-moderate and the field of awareness was broader somehow. I reminded myself to focus on the Three Characteristics in each sensation - and boy were they there. Observation itself, thoughts, and feelings were all objects to be observed as they flickered in and out of existence. No one Characteristic was predominant. There was some pain and discomfort, but it didn't really "touch" "me". Concentration had a sort of area of dead-space in the middle - if that makes any sense, but the periphery of awareness was bright and clear.
Observations: n/a.
Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on my knees.
Experience: I closed my eyes and observed sight-sensations flickering in and out of existence at about six times per second. Strength of concentration was moderate. Within a few moments awareness transitioned to touch-sensation, and the speed of flickering increased to maybe ten or twelve times per second. I dropped into a story and snapped back. Concentration was high-moderate and the field of awareness was broader somehow. I reminded myself to focus on the Three Characteristics in each sensation - and boy were they there. Observation itself, thoughts, and feelings were all objects to be observed as they flickered in and out of existence. No one Characteristic was predominant. There was some pain and discomfort, but it didn't really "touch" "me". Concentration had a sort of area of dead-space in the middle - if that makes any sense, but the periphery of awareness was bright and clear.
Observations: n/a.
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