Monday, April 15, 2013

Time: 25 minutes.

Situation: In my (parked) car with my eyes closed, sitting as straight as I could manage, with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and noticed my perceptual field vibrating at perhaps four to six times per second. Concentration was a little diffuse. Then I dropped into a little story for a few minutes. Then I "snapped back" and concentration was much tighter. Vibrations had sped-up to maybe 8 or ten times a second. Intentions and thoughts were out there in the sense-field, presenting along with all the other more conventional sense info (e.g., sight and sound).
There was a semi-frozen moment of "wow, everything is out there in the sense field - what's left to be me?" then *blip* - an unknowing event - then a wave of physical rapture (vibrating), then concentration was diffuse, I dropped into a little story, I "snapped back" and concentration was tighter and vibrations faster, and so it went.
Observations: This little progression of diffuse concentration, lost in fantasy, snap-back with greater clarity, entry to Equanimity, Door, Fruition, then back into the Dark Night has really been predominant for the past few days. Or at least, I've perceived it clearly for the first time as sort of the way things go. Too, I've noticed a lot more background impulses and thoughts this go round than the last - I'm noticing myself "trying to do" the meditation all the time instead of just observing things arise, exist, and pass away, and complicit with the trying is a whole lot of attempted manipulation - like "Mike, focus on impermanence, that's the door we'll use this go round" instead of just observing things do their respective things. Also, another totally worthwhile observation to make is that this Review is way, way more subtle than the last. The Doors to Fruitions, and even the Fruitions themselves, are much more fast-moving and difficult to perceive consistently or accurately. A friend told me a few weeks ago that First Path and Second path are each like climbing a metal pole, but when you come to climb it on Second Path, you discover that the pole is much thinner than it was on First Path, and some asshole has greased it! My experience with Second Path Review is very initial at this point, but yeah, this metaphor appears apt. Anyway, that's a lot of observations for a 25 minute session - but there you have them.

No comments:

Post a Comment