Time: 45 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting Burmese-style with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and immediately perceived my visual field vibrating at about six times per second. After perhaps twenty seconds there was a "jump" and the vibrations maybe tripled in speed. They were so fast they were difficult to really watch arise, exist, and pass-away clearly, so I switched objects to my sense of touch, which I seem to be better at observing for whatever reason. I dropped into stories and tape loops early on in the session several times, but the last two thirds or so involved almost none of that, and a lot of me trying to see the "Three Characteristics" in my object, and trying to use all my sense doors in a "more inclusive view" sort of way where I could observe formations themselves. This started to happen and a lot of the background processes I was observing tended to be things like "fear" and "resistance". I had a startling realization that my entire existence and reality itself don't exist many, many times per second.

Observations: An image that has been haunting me lately is (oddly enough) a clip from a Parks and Recreation episode - the one where Ron Swanson goes on TV to promote a gala because (something) happens to Leslie and she can't do it, but when Ron gets to the TV station, the host is drunk and so Ron ends up being on TV for several hours, just taking calls from viewers. One of his calls is from a woman whose dog has chewed-up the legs of a chair in her house. Ron tells her to take a walnut and rub it along the chair-legs to fill and camouflage the chew-marks. Several times during this sitting I felt like that's what I do with reality. Reality is fluxing in and out of existence - it arises from nothing, exists, and passes away utterly and forever into nothing again. There is a lot of time (whatever time actually is) where there isn't anything existing, its just nothing - its the time while something has yet to arise and exist before it passes away. I keep trying to observe that "nothing", and I keep getting scared and resisting when I get to close to "seeing" it. That nothings is what I have been using the walnut (delusion) of continuity to cover-up. Nothingness.