Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Time: 50 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, half lotus with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I began with my attention on the inside of my nostrils and observed the vibratory sensation of the breath as it crossed that spot. Within two or three breaths though, my whole experiential-field began to strobe "in and out" rapidly - perhaps 6 to 8 times per second. I shifted my attention to this sensation and observed this "nothing/something/nothing/something" phenomena. This was my Object for this session. Also, the session itself was characterized by an almost effortless deep tranquility.

Observations: I've self-diagnosed my map-position as High Equanimity and have been (1) confused of late as to what my Object should be at this stage and (2) plagued by a desire to "do" the meditation and thereby "make" (read: force) something to happen. This has resulted in a lot of discomfort and frustration. I posted on DhO as to what my object should be and received this helpful advice and link. It made A LOT OF SENSE once I realized that I had been attempting to force by concentration to stay on the breath as the Object when all the while my awareness was sort of being sucked into the experiential-field as the Object. So I gave it a shot and session went way more smooth and naturally than the past few, so I feel like I'm on the right track. Also, I revisited this article on effort during practice, and tried to put its "just allow observation to do its natural thing" advice into practice - this really seemed to allow me to relax into High Equanimity and just witness the vibratory quality of things at a bare sensate level.

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