Saturday, February 23, 2013

Time: 37 minutes.

Situation: A quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting Burmese-style with my hands on my knees.

Experience: I closed my eyes and was instantly in touch with my visual field vibrating at around ten or twelve times per second. The vibrations were very fine. I observed a pressure on my forehead and watched that vibrate and pulse. This gave way to waves of physical pleasure coursing and vibrating through my body, then a sort of "flat" mental quietude where all that was happening was my various sense doors vibrating. I was very are of the progression from physical sensation, to mental construct of that sensation, then new physical sensation, then mental construct of the new physical sensation, etc. Then there was a very pronounced series of white flashes behind my eyelids. From then on my concentration was diffuse and I would drift into stories and tape loops from time to time. The rest of the time I would observe my sense doors vibrating, including watching a lot of emotions like fear, pride, shame, lots of aversion, and sadness arise and pass away. Then a paraphrase of the Three Characteristics seemed to jump into my mind - it wasn't like I thought it - it was all of a sudden just there: things come and go, they're not me or mine, and they won't satisfy. Then there was a sudden sort of "pop" to my awareness as my previously diffuse focus zoomed in. All of a sudden I was observing everything much more clearly. My center of concentration was in focus and my emotions and thoughts, instead of being "in my head" seemed much more "outside it" along with my other senses like sound, sensation, etc. Everything was vibrating very quickly and the vibrations themselves had a very fine quality, like sand or graphite powder. Then I dropped back down into the light-show behind my eye-lids and back up to the very in-focus high vibration state described above. I think I cycled through these states maybe half a dozen times before the session ended.

Observations: This was an interesting session. It felt like I covered a lot of ground in the progress of insight. It was restful watching my emotions arise and pass and watching them prompt me to push, strive, and resist reality as it is. It was also a nice break to "pop" into the field of more focused concentration. Its hard to articulate how the Three Characteristics piece fits into this session. It was all of a sudden in my mind, fully formed, without thoughts leading to it or from it. Just there. I've never (to my knowledge) heard the voice of God during a meditation session - they've always happened walking around in my day-to-day life, so its hard to put my finger on this as a "God moment" . . . but I have my suspicions.

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