Time: 45 minutes.
Situation: A
quiet room with my eyes closed, sitting in a chair with my hands on
my knees.
Experience:
I closed my eyes and observed visual sensations flickering in and
out of existence at about six times per second. Awareness shifted almost
immediately from
visual sensations to tactile sensations; the speed of the flickering remained more or less constant. Concentration was low. Within a few moments I was sucked into a
story. I popped back out and concentration was stronger - still not highly focused, but moderately so. Thoughts and feelings
were sensations, flickering in and out of existence, to be observed as
objects just as any other sensations were. There was physical discomfort. There were feelings of fear, depression, and anxiety. All this shit flickered in and out of existence. Then I was sucked into a little story again and everything repeated, but in a shorter period. Then I was sucked into a little story again and everything repeated again, but this time in a shorter period than the last time. Again and again this happened. Maybe a half dozen times. Each time concentration came back online stronger than before, and the flickering of sensations became a little finer. Then the session ended.
Observations: I don't know how related it is to my meditation, but I've been pretty fragile mentally lately. Its sucked. Onward, I suppose.
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